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Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I couldn’t get much sleep last night. I kept tossing and turning and before I knew it, it was already around Tahajjud time. A voice in my head encouraged me to get up and make wudhu. I could just picture Tasneem recite the Hadith in which The Prophet (S.A.W) said,

“The Lord descends every night to the lowest heaven when one-third of the night remains and says: ‘Who will call upon Me, that I may answer Him? Who will ask of Me, that I may give him? Who will seek My forgiveness, that I may forgive him?’” [Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Of all the things I wanted, the biggest thing was His forgiveness. In these past few years I had lost who I was and I had lost sight of the true purpose I was put onto this earth, to worship Allah (S.W.T) alone. The more I thought about it, the more I realised how everything I had done so far was all to please everyone else and never for Allah. I was so ashamed but grateful at the same time that Allah has given me yet another chance to come back to Him. Even though my past mistakes have scarred me for life, they serve as a reminder to be grateful for Allah’s infinite mercy.

I didn’t bother putting the bathroom light on since there was enough light coming through from the passageway. With all the load shedding, I thought I’d take some small steps to help out from my side. As I lifted my sleeves to put my hand under the cool water, a faint glimmer of light from the passage bounced off the bracelet on my wrist, catching my eye.

I had gotten so used to wearing it, that it had become part of my life without me even realising it. I turned my wrist over and there it sat, the two charms ‘N’ and ‘S’ next to each other. Ironically, it sat on my radial artery used for checking pulse.

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