21#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

What was he thinking?

I couldn’t imagine what was going on in Irfaan’s mind, he looked so pensive I almost wished I hadn’t brought it up. But I just had to know, I couldn’t stand by and watch him destroy what Apa and Hamza bhai had.

He turned back around towards me. “Apa is an amazing person”, he said again.”And seeing her brings back a lot of memories… Memories I haven’t allowed myself to dwell on in a long time.”, he continued. I stood there, watching him explain this with his shoulders sort of drooped, with grief? Or resignation? I wasn’t sure. I waited.

He sighed and continued, “I wasn’t always like this bra. Well, I was but my life was changed when…”. He paused, but it seemed as if he was unable to complete his sentence. “Who was she man?” I asked quietly. “She would’ve been my wife”, he said flatly. My eyes widened in shock, and my mouth fell open. He smiled ruefully at my expression then said, “We were going to get married someday. She was my high school sweetheart.”

He fell silent and a desolate expression came over his face. “What happened?” I asked. “She fell ill during the last year of school…then…”, he said flatly, and turned away, not finishing his sentence. It was so quiet for a long while, I stood there in shock, with shared grief. I felt as though I had been hit with a ten tonne truck.

He didn’t look like the kinda guy who had lost someone. Instead he looked like someone who enjoyed life to the fullest. “Seeing how Apa handled her loss, got me thinking about myself. She reminded me that we are from Our Lord and that we all have to go back someday. I would never cause problems for her, because I know that she’s the only one in this world who still reminds me that all is not lost. That resorting to wasting away on clubbing and drugs is not a way out, it’s just a temporary numbness.”

He looked at me desperately. “Am I asking for too much? I just need hope.” I went over to him and gripped his shoulder. “Its okay bro, I don’t blame you.”, I told him. “I’m sorry I pushed you too hard.”. “Nah man, its cool.” He said. “I shoulda told you.”

Then he laughed. “So there, I don’t have a crush on your sister…” He raised an eyebrow. “Relieved?” I laughed. “Immensely so.” He shoved me playfully. “Enough with the heavy stuff now, let’s go kick some ball.” I shoved him back. “Sure thing… lets go greet little cheeky Na’imah first”, i said.

Sayfullah

>>> WhAt A ReLiEf!

Allah’s Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Keep away from ill-thinking, because ill-thinking is the greatest falsehood.” [Sahih Bukhari]

Allah (swt) says: “Take one step towards me, I will take ten steps towards you. Walk towards me, I will run towards you.” [Hadith Qudsi]

StAy TuNnEd For more>>>

20#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

You won’t believe what I’m gonna tell you, it’s just too much now! Irfaan asked to come over… AGAIN!! Can you just believe this guy?? I mulled over it for quite some time and then realised he does look at Apa quite a lot… and yesterday he was being all strange, dressing up in formal with plans to come play PS2 at MY HOUSE! Plus he’s been trying to get into Apa’s good books a lot lately by jumping to her tune every time she sings, EVEN BEFORE ANYONE ELSE GETS A CHANCE TO DO IT! Irfaan?? And MY Apa??? No way was I gonna let it happen.

I agreed to let him come over, I had to confront him before he got any other ideas.
Guess what he was wearing today? A Kurta!!! That dude rarely wears that, even when it’s Friday. I was like (OO.) seriously?? what on earth is he trying to do??? Who was he trying to impress? My parents? Me? Nai’mah? She’s too small for this nonsense!
So I let him in. “How’s Na’imah?”, he asked. I rolled my eyes a little ,”She’s fine man.”. “And Apa?”, he wanted to know. I gave him a sharp look. “She’s fine.”
He gave me a puzzled look, I gestured him to follow me to my room. “Can I just see Na’imah?”, he asked. I whirled around to face him. “Na’imah?? You wanna see Na’imah? Or my Apa??”. I hissed, “What do you want with her?”. The surprise on his face was almost comical, but my suspicion grew as pinkish colour washed over his cheeks. He looked embarrassed.
I shoved him into the nearest room, no easy feat there, he was a buff guy. I turned to him as soon as I shut the door, he looked kinda defiant now, and a little sheepish.
“You think I like your Apa?”, he interrupted before I could say anything. I glared at him, “Don’t you?”. “Ofcourse I do”, he muttered, then he sort of flushed, probably after looking at my expression. “Not like that man, I mean, she’s a pretty amazing woman. But she’s not like that. And I don’t-” he broke off, raking stiff fingers through his hair in frustration.
I stared at him in surprise, he never found it hard to express himself, and now, he was mumbling, without making much sense…
He suddenly straightened, “I don’t know how to explain it man.”
“I got all day.”, I growled. A desperate look came over his face, I waited for the words to come…
But he turned away and looked out of the window..
What was he thinking?

[To be continued]

Sayfullah

>>> what’S on IrfAaN’S MinD?? SHArE Your ThOuGhTs…

Allah’s Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Keep away from ill-thinking, because ill-thinking is the greatest falsehood.” [Sahih Bukhari]

StAy TuNned to sEe WhAt irFAAn hAS to Say>>>

19#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

Irfaan wanted to meet up today. Thought I’d rather go there than he come here because I didn’t want another ‘No Food Day Today’ coza him again. I missed out on too much Burfee because of him yesterday.

I walked over to his house and when I got there he was dressing up. “What’s the occasion?”, I asked. He NEVER dresses full formal for no reason. “Oh nothing, just feel like looking good today”, he replied. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? This guy looks good everyday, he even thought me a trick or 2. “So.. how’s little Na’imah”?, ‘concerned’ Irfaan asked. “She’s good. So what you want to do today?”, I replied, trying to get to the point. “Well… I thought we’d go over to your house today and maybe… I don’t know… PS2?”, Irfaan said stupidly. “You idiot there’s a baby in the house and you want to go and play PS2. If you wake the baby then ima slap you coz you have NO idea how hard it is to make her sleep again and how much shouting I’ll get for it!”, I snapped. “Ok ok… relax bra! Shoh! We’ll go to the mall then”, Irfaan said after seeing my frustration.

We got to the mall and while looking for a good soccer kit, I saw a familiar looking face through the store window. I looked closer and there she was! The girl who I bumped into a while back. I thought the best thing to do was to go and apologise. She was alone so that made it easier. I ran over and greeted her. She actually did look quite nice. ANYWAY… she looked confused and on guard. “Do you remember me?”, I asked politely. “Uhm… no”, she replied, almost with hatred in her voice. Did she hate guys as a whole or was it just me?? “Well… Remember that day, I kinda bumped into you by…”, I said before she just walked away. WHAT WAS HER PROBLEM?? WHY ARE WOMEN SO DIFFICULT??

I didn’t know if I’d ever see her again so I thought I’d just go try again. I ran after her and said, “I want to apologise for it. It was an honest..”. “Shutup and leave please. Guys like you are dogs. Just run after girls, date all of them one by one, then expect to get a wife who is a saint”, She said, interrupting me once again. I didn’t understand what her problem was. Without thinking, I stepped up onto the little fountain wall in the middle of the mall and said in a loud tone so everyone could hear, “Ladies and Gentlemen! Can I please have your attention since this young lady in the blue doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. The other day I bumped into her, BY MISTAKE mind you… and on helping her, she grabbed her things, insulted me, then walked away. I don’t know her, neither does she know me, but she already labelled me as a bad guy. I came to her today to APOLOGISE, where she insulted me once again (I stared her straight in the eyes and then looked back at the crowd)… It is I who needs an apology! Would you agree? But she’s being STUBBORN and doesn’t want to hear me out. So I thought I’d get witnesses to see what she’s doing, so that she may never hold it against me during my lifetime OR the next”. She stood there rolling her eyes looking a bit pinkish after the crowd that had gathered tried to persuade her to accept my apology.

I jumped down, then looked her straight in the eyes again and as she was about to take a step forward, I dropped to my knees and screamed out all the names I could think of, “Aadilah! Razia! Amina! Khadija! Ayesha! Rizwana! Whoever you are FORGIVE ME”. She turned around, slapped me on the shoulder and smiled a wide smile as she spoke angrily through her teeth, “Get UP you’re embarrassing me”. “Ok so then you forgive me?”, I asked, getting tired of waiting. “Yeah sure alright go now.”, she said trying to hurry me as I got up. “BY THE WAY, My name is Jameela”, I said, trying to mock her in a way but hint to her at the same time. “Ok Jameela. Goodbye”, she said, still being stubborn…

I laughed and walked away. My job was done… and the look on Irfaan’s face… PRICELESS ;)

Sayfullah

>>> WondER whAtS Going ThRough IrFaAnS Head.. HHahaAh

We did not create the heavens and earth and everything between them, except with truth. The Hour is certainly coming, so forgive with fair forbearance. (Qur?an, 15:85)

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18#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

The house was full of visitors who came to see the baby and also to give their support if anything was needed. I couldn’t even eat yoh. Apa called me for everything. Baby’s clothes, napkins everything. I didn’t say anything though. I respect her too much. Anyhow, I love the baby toooooo much to say no. But sho, all the burfee I missed out on :(

Irfaan came over to see the baby too. I felt very uncomfy having him near the baby. I felt like he was taking my place. He started talking to Apa when Apa was sitting in the lounge with everyone and my temper was rising. No… im not jealous. It’s just that… anyway I didn’t like Apa talking to him. With 3 different attempts I tried to get Irfaan to leave, he just wouldn’t budge. The fool kept helping out with something or the other. Where did he learn to charm people? I want to go there too. This was just absurd.

I got irritated with the fact that Irfaan was taking my place so I left in anger. I got a lift with an uncle and I went to the grounds to run some laps. When I was done I laid on the field and tried catching my breath again. It had been almost 2 hours and nobody even realised I wasn’t home. No phone calls no nothing, NOT EVEN A PLEASE CALL ME. I thought I’d stay longer to see if they’d notice. I walked around the corner and sat on a step. It was late afternoon now, almost evening. I looked to my right and the “All girls school” was closed since it’s holiday now.

I was getting hungry but I didn’t care. I wanted to see who was more important, Irfaan or me. I was so angry. After Maghrib, the uncle who took me, saw me sitting outside and asked me what’s wrong. I didn’t want to tell him what was the real reason so I said, “I’m waiting for a friend to come and fetch me”. I thought he’d say ok and go away, but he said, “Ok, I’ll take you, jump in”. I didn’t want to go home but thought this was probably Allah saying, go home and eat.

I went home and everybody was occupied with something or the other. I asked mum for something to eat and guess what I got? “Can you get it yourself please? I’m really busy sweetheart”. CAN YOU BELIEVE THESE PEOPLE??? I dished out and went to eat. I sat alone so I asked mum if anyone was going to eat with me. Mum said, “ We all ate already, you go ahead”. THEY ATE?? WITHOUT ME? AND THEY DIDN’T EVEN REALISE I WAS GONE??

I was so frustrated, I ate and went straight to my room. Apa called AGAIN, “Sayfullah I need the baby oil”. “K” , I replied as I went to get it mumbling, “Everyone only remembers me when they need something”. I gave it to Apa then left, but Apa called again!! “What is it this time??”, I said, very irritated. “I still love you, and so does Umi and Abbu and everyone else”, she replied. “ Ya, that’s why you’ll forgot me at the table”, I said and walked away.

Apa left me to go, but came over to my room after the baby went to sleep. “You angry because of Irfaan isn’t? I thought maybe if he saw how we live, he’d change his ways. Umi told me about him.”, Apa said. I felt abit better but I still didn’t feel happy that they forgot about me. “And I didn’t forget about you, go see, my plate is in the micro, if I was free when you were eating, I would’ve eaten with you”, Apa continued. I went to see if she was lying, but she wasn’t. I sat up with her while she ate.

Sayfullah

>>> EverY home GoeS through ThIS… AgrEe??

StAY TuNnED<<<

17#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

The Masjid was full of people last night. Everyone in the town came for baby Mohammed’s Janaazah. Those last few moments that I saw him before we put him into his very tiny grave, I said my final Salaam and felt his soft cheek. It was almost as if he was smiling when his father laid him flat on the soil after he kissed him for the last time saying, “We will meet again my boy, we’ll meet again In Shaa Allah”. They covered the body with planks, and threw in one spade of sand at a time. Everyone left to go home. Abbu, Hamza Bhai and I were last to leave.

The night didn’t end there. We went back to the hospital to pick up little Na’imah and Apa. Apa had to stay a little while longer just to run some tests. Abbu took Umi and I home so that Wala bha and Apa could have some time alone and also so that we could get the house ready to welcome Apa and baby Na’imah.

I saw Umi crying while packing away all the blue clothes she had bought for Mohammed. I went on over and sat on the bed in the room. “What you doing Umi?”, I asked, trying to start some conversation. “I’m packing away all these boy clothes so that Apa doesn’t cry so much if she has to see it”, Umi replied. I didn’t feel as bad as I did before because I had already made peace with Allah. I guess Umi will too, in her own time.

I heard the car pull up in the driveway and ran to go and help Apa with the things. I brought the bags inside and Apa and Hamza Bhai brought Na’imah. They gave her, her first bath at home. Umi had all the things ready and waiting for them to come. I fell in love with the smell of having a baby in the house. Umi was handling the baby while I was getting anything and everything Apa needed.

We all went to bed very late that night, but none of us minded at all. I laid in bed thinking, “I saw Apa grow up, but I missed the part of her being a baby. Here is my chance to see my Apa’s childhood.”

I woke up this morning to the sound of a baby crying. Everyone LOVED IT! People might think we’re crazy, but to us, after what happened, a baby’s cry is truly a blessing.

Ya Allah, I thank You for this blessing which you have given us. Many wish to hear it, and last night I did too, and You answered my prayers….

Sayfullah

>>> ManY Of You mUmMIeS HerE cAn ReLatE… ShARe YouR experiences :)

“It is Allah who brought you forth from the wombs of your mothers while you knew nothing; and He gave you hearing and sight and hearts that you may give thanks [to Him]. “[Surah An-Nahl (16), Ayah 78.]

“My Lord! grant me that I should be grateful for Thy favor which Thou hast bestowed on me and on my parents, and that I should do good such as Thou art pleased with, and make me enter, by Thy mercy, into Thy servants, the good ones.” [27. Surah An-Naml : Ayah 19]

StAY TuNnED FoR MoRe<<<

16#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

She was standing in her gown in front of a nursery, stuck to the glass window, crying…

“Apa!”, I called out. She turned around, still crying, stretching her arms out when she realised it was me. I ran to her and hugged her. I had grown and she was now shorter than me, so she fitted perfectly in my arms. Her face was so pale and her eyes blood shot red. From her eyes you could see all the pain she was feeling. My shirt became wet with her tears but I didn’t mind at all. We stood there weeping together.

“Bha… Bha…”, she mumbled, trying to say something and breathe at the same time. I looked at her when she tugged on my arm, trying to get my attention. “Bha..”, she said again… pointing trough the window of the nursery. My heart was screaming! She seemed to be going crazy. She just couldn’t accept that her baby was gone, she stood here looking for her baby instead of seeing her baby off to the graveyard. I didn’t blame her, I couldn’t accept it either.

I looked at her, wiping away my tears and her tears as well, holding her by the shoulders, taking her away but she pulled away. She pointed through the window again and this time took in a deep breath before she started talking, “Bha, see my baby”. What was she saying? Did she lose her mind already? “What are you talking about Apa? Your baby is gone”, I said, trying not to sound harsh. She started weeping again then sat down slowly and said, “I made a Dua when the Doctor told us that they could only save one of us. I said “Ya Allah, You know what’s best for this child and what’s best for me. If it is my time to go, please let me die with Your name on my lips.””. I sat there listening, only able to imagine what she was feeling. She continued, “The Doctors said that my son had passed on, but I was unaware that I was expecting twins. Allah took one away from me, but left one for comfort”. My eyes moved immediately in search of this little baby while Apa went on, “I’m not angry at Allah, my baby will wait for me to enter Jannah with him In Shaa Allah. If Allah took me, how would my husband have handled 2 babies? It was what was best for both of us.”

I spotted the baby that looked just like Apa, “That one Apa?”, I asked. “Jee, Na’imah, a baby girl”, Apa replied. I looked at her and smiled, Na’imah means -Comfort, tranquillity.

The nurse came just then and Apa asked if she could go inside. The nurse said only Apa could go. I smiled and told Apa to go, I had to make it in time for Salaah. Yes… I changed my mind. I needed not just to thank Allah, but to ask Him for maaf for doubting him. I also wanted to make Dua for my Apa who Allah made so strong. I wasn’t even a parent of that baby boy, but I turned my back on Allah, and here is Apa, who went through so many months carrying that baby with much pain, YET she still believed in Allah the Almighty (Al-Jalil), the Most Merciful (Ar-Rahim), the Just (Al ‘Adl).

Sayfullah

>>>AllaH is the gReatest!!! Subhan-Allah!!

Ibn Abbas reported: I was behind the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, one day when he said to me, “O young man, I will teach you some words; be mindful of Allah and He will protect you; be mindful of Allah and you will find Him before you; when you ask, ask from Allah; and when you seek help, seek help from Allah; know that if the entire creation were to gather together to benefit you, then would not benefit you except if Allah willed; and if the entire creation gathered together to harm you, they would not harm you except if Allah willed; the pens have been raised and the pages dried.” [Sunan At-Tirmidhi, Book of Resurrection, Number 2516, Sahih]

And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if anyone puts his trust in Allah sufficient is (Allah) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish His purpose: verily for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion. [Surah At-Talaq (65), Ayah 3.]

Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’alaa) Says in the Noble Qur’an;

“Who, when afflicted with calamity say: “Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.”” [The Qur’an; Chapter 2 (Al Baqarah – The Cow) : Verse 156]

“Allatheena ithâ asabat-hum museebatun qaloo inna lillahi wa innâ ilay-hi raji’oon”

StAY TuNnED <<<

15#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

This wasn’t happening! It just wasn’t happening!!

I froze not knowing what was going on but at the same time hoping it wasn’t what I thought it was…

My Abbu walked back in and told me to move aside. He went in and I could hear him telling Umi that, “They’re here”, and that she must leave the room for a while. Umi came out and she was pale. Her eyes were red as if she were possessed. Abbu was holding her as she continued to weep.

I fell to my knees when a few minutes later a body was brought out…

A body of a innocent little baby who was as white as milk and had tiny pink lips that added colour to his face. He was wrapped in the tiny blanket which Umi had kept for him to use when he was to be born. His father held him in his arms and kissed his forehead, then looked at me with tears in his eyes and knelt down to show me. I couldn’t even see his face because my eyes were full of salty water. I touched his soft cheeks and held his tiny fingers. How I wished he’d grip onto my finger like little babies do.

My bhai told me it was time to make salaam and see him off. I stumbled backwards like a child does when he’s afraid of something. I just couldn’t bring myself to saying Khuda hafiz. Just then Moulana came, placed his hand on my shoulder and said, “Don’t worry, he’s a Jannati”. I sat there as they took him away. Janazah Salaah was to be after Esha.

I told myself I wouldn’t go. How could Allah be so cruel? What did that baby ever do? This wasn’t fair. Just then my eyes searched for my Apa. Where was my Apa? I still hadn’t seen her!

While everyone watched the baby go, I ran to the room and looked for my Apa. The empty bed was covered in blood, but no Apa. My heartbeat slowed down, my eyes didn’t stop looking. Maybe they moved her to another ward? Maybe she was in the bathroom? I ran around the hospital calling my Apa in every room until I saw her in a distance. She was standing in her gown in front of a nursery, stuck to the glass window, crying…

[To be continued]

Sayfullah

>>>I’M SurE ThErE’S mothers here Who Can rElAte to hoW ApA IS FeElInG…

Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’alaa) Says in the Noble Qur’an;

“Who, when afflicted with calamity say: “Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.”” [The Qur’an; Chapter 2 (Al Baqarah – The Cow) : Verse 156]

“Allatheena ithâ asabat-hum museebatun qaloo inna lillahi wa innâ ilay-hi raji’oon”

StAY TuNnED FoR MoRE<<<

14#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I have no idea how long I cried for, but I cried in that position until I fell asleep in Sajdah. Moulana came and woke me up. He asked me what was troubling me because he heard me weeping for a while. I felt really bad talking to him because of the things I had said about him but I began and opened up to him. I told him that my Apa, well my sister’s life was in danger and that the doctors can only save her or the baby. I even went to the extent of sharing my feelings with him. “I was small when my parents adopted my Apa. I called her Apa all my life not just because she is my sister but because she thought me in Madressah as well. She devoted her life towards spreading Deen. She got married only for the sake of Allah and to complete half her Imaan. She married and fell in love with my big bhai only after marriage. Allah finally blessed her with a baby, a baby boy.”, I said, letting it all out.

“She thought me almost everything I know today… and today there is absolutely nothing I can do for her. I blame myself for this. Allah is punishing me for my mistakes by taking away what I love.”, I continued.

“Don’t talk like that, there is something you can do. You can make Dua. It’s not too late. Dua has the power to change anything if Allah wills.”, Moulana said. Talking about late, I turned my head towards the clock. It had been 3 hours!! My legs started trembling! Anything could have happened in 3 hours. Azaan went just at that moment. I had to decide on whether I should read Salaah or go and see my sister who my heart was yearning to see.

Moulana put me forward to read Salaah. I made Wudhu once again because I had been sleeping. I read salaah and just after the Salaah, Moulana asked everyone to raise their hands and he made a special Dua for Apa and baby Mohammed, our future leader of Islam. I wept through it all, then Moulana offered to take me to the hospital. We sat there all quiet and many thoughts running through my head. Then I muttered, “Uhm… Moulana there was something I was meaning to tell you”. “Well… uhm, I actually wanted to apologise for my behaviour lately. My Abbu told me you have been looking out for me. I might have said some things out of anger to you, but… Moulana, please make me maaf”, I said. “No problem my boy, you just take it easy In Shaa Allah everything will be well ok?”.

Moulana stopped at the hospital gate because they didn’t allow him to go any further as he didn’t have an emergency. I got off and thanked him and made Salaam. I took a very slow walk to the entrance. My heartbeat slowed down with each step. My expression was blank. I expected nothing… nothing at all. I went in and my parents weren’t there. I ran to reception and asked them what had happened. They told me to sit down…

Why now? WHY!!!!!! I asked them to at least tell me what’s happening. They just kept telling me to sit down. I asked if I could see her. They told me to sit down. My heart was empty. I didn’t know what to be feeling: Angry?? Sad?? Scared?? I felt like an animal ready to break loose but being held down tightly. I wanted to scream on top of my voice so that someone would know I’m there!!

But… nothing… I sat there having to wait for someone to say something or something to happen. I wanted to fist something to let out how I was feeling, when Abbu came out just in time. “Abbu! Abbu! What happened?? Where’s Apa? What’s going on?”, I said trying to get anything out of him that I could possibly get! “Listen, calm down, just calm down”, he said brushing me off and rushing to the car with the phone at his ears.

WHY WERE THEY DOING THIS TO ME!!! I was spinning around in circles asking anyone to tell me what was going on. Then through the glass door I saw Moulana, and behind him was the car that they normally carry a dead body in.

This wasn’t happening! It just wasn’t happening!!

[To be continued]

Sayfullah

>>>What’s going On?? :’(

Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’alaa) Says in the Noble Qur’an;

“Who, when afflicted with calamity say: “Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.”” [The Qur’an; Chapter 2 (Al Baqarah – The Cow) : Verse 156]

“Allatheena ithâ asabat-hum museebatun qaloo inna lillahi wa innâ ilay-hi raji’oon”

StAY TuNnED TO Find WhAt HappEnS In ThE NeXT EPisodE<<<

13#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I braced myself and prepared for the worst…

I knocked at the door. No answer…

I knocked again… and again for the last time then stopped after there was no answer, just like how Rasoolulah (SAW) had thought us to do.

I went around the back to see if maybe the back door was open. But I saw a note stuck to the window instead…

“Whenever you decide to come home… We’re at the hospital. Your sister came home yesterday and she’s in emergency labour. -Abbu”

Obviously i hadn’t prepared myself for the worst after all. I went into panic mode, what could be wrong with Apa? Why emergency?? Howcome nobody told me anything about Apa coming??

I phoned Irfaan and asked him to please take me to the hospital ASAP, it’s an emergency. He came by and asked me if there was anything else he could do. I said nothing thanks, and rushed inside. I saw my Umi sitting there and crying and my Abbu trying to calm her down. “Where’s Apa?? What’s wrong? Please tell me she’s ok! What happened??”, I yelled. Abbu shook his head and said, “Only Allah can help us. Doctors said that they can either save the her or the baby. I don’t know what…”

My heartbeat slowed down and everything Abbu was saying was now bouncing off my ears. My eyes became blur and I couldn’t see much. I ran out of the hospital and kept running until my legs stopped. It stopped… It stopped in front of the Masjid. The Masjid I hadn’t seen in weeks…

There was no where else I could go. My legs pulled me inside and I looked up and saw the Gold dome. My head feeling like I shouldn’t be here because Allah shouldn’t love me anymore for what I’ve done, but my heart full of hope… feeling humbled.

I made Wudhu and started my Salaah. Ive never cried that much in my life. My head went down in Sajdah and was too heavy to get up again. I cried with my head on the ground and I begged Allah…

“Ya Allah!! Please spare my Apa. She’s been doing work on your path all her life Allah. Don’t take little Mohammed either Allah. Allah don’t :’(… Allah take me :’( I’m a sinner. The world needs less sinners :’( Allah please! I’ll give up all my bad ways! Allah please!”…I begged crying.

[To be continued]

Sayfullah

>>>My HeARt Goes OuT TO sAyFUllAh…

Oh Allah…
I told you: I’m in pain
You said: ‘Do not despair of the mercy of Allaah’ (39:53)
I told you: Nobody knows what is in my heart
You said: ‘Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest’ (13:28)
I told you: Many people hurt me
You said: ‘So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them’ (3:159)
I told you: I feel I’m alone
You said: ‘We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein’ (50:16)
I told you: My sins are so many
You said: ‘And who can forgive sins except Allah?’ (3:135)
I told you: Do not leave me
You said: ‘So remember Me; I will remember you…’ (2:152)
I told you: I’m facing a lot of difficulties in life
You said: ‘And whoever fears Allah ? He will make for him a way out’ (65:2)
I told you: I have many dreams that I want to come true
You said: ‘Call upon Me; I will respond to you.’ (40:60).”
StaY TUnNeD To sEe WhAT HAppENS >>>

12#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I slept over at Irfaan’s house last night. He was busy smoking Hookah and asked me if I wanted some. I said no. As it is Umi was angry with me, if she found out I was smoking… Khalaas (finish) for me then.

I sat up twiddling my thumbs, not knowing how I would get myself out of this mess. My Umi will definitely not believe me, especially because of my behaviour lately. But… it’s their fault I’m behaving like this. They just don’t understand anything at all.

Anyway, to get my mind off things, Irfaan started talking about Mindira. “So bra, you want to phone her and apologise for your nervous breakdown?”, he said, laughing at me as usual. I felt really horrible for what I had done. After all, to her, she was doing ‘US’ a favour by coming to meet us. (Sttupid Irfaan and his Stupid ideas). So I thought, it won’t do any harm. Irfaan dialled her number from his phone…

“Hello?”, her sweet voice said through the phone. I sat there dumbstruck, not saying a word. “Hello? Irfaan?”, she said, waiting to hear anything at all. “Uhm.. no… Uhm…”, I muttered. “Ooooh! Smart BOY!! How are you?”, she said, picking up that it was me on the other end. How’d she know it was me? I hardly ever said anything to her.

I apologised for what happened but didn’t explain what happened out of fear of her thinking I was stupid. We ended up speaking for half an hour, talking mostly about Irfaan #angry# but felt great when Irfaan complimented me saying, “So you are a man after all ;)”.

This morning I got ready and it was time to go home. I pulled for as much time as I could. Showered, got ready, had breakfast, bought flowers for mum and left for home.

I braced myself and prepared for the worst…

[To be continued]

Sayfullah

>>> HoW WilL SayfUllAh’S ParEnTS TakE His ReCenT BehAvIoUr?? StaY TuNned To FiNd OuT >>>