21#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

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Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I pushed him aside and made a run for it! Before I could reach the door he grabbed my arm, twisted it and shoved me face down on the bed. I couldn’t move with all his weight on top of me. My heart rate was quite fast now, this was it. I could feel his breath on my neck, piercing my skin.

“Why did you do it?” I said trying to buy me some time. If he was gonna hurt me, I’d take as much benefit from it as I could. He put his mouth to my ear and said very distinctly, each syllable pronounced clearly like I was a 2 year old. “I-did-not-rape-her.”
I paused, loosening my muscles from trying to break free. Imraan slowly let my arm go and then towered over me as if he was doing a push up. I squirmed around so that I was now facing him right above me. He gripped my arms tight and pinned me down again, making me grasp in pain. I guess he taught I was going to make a run for it again. He looked so angry I thought he would hit me again.

Despite the circumstances, I didn’t cower, I laid there, eye to eye while he eyeballed me as though he was gonna kill me in two seconds.
“You heard me.” He snapped. “I didn’t do it. I’m not a creep who resorts to such filthy habits…”.
I raised my eyebrow ironically, looking pointedly at the way he was towering over me, holding my arms painfully. He let go of me and swore under his breath. “You just drive me insane!!” He exploded. “You make me so angry I see red.” I took in a shuddering breath, and a small meow of discomfort escaped me as blood rushed to my arms again. He froze, as still as a statue as he watched my legs buckle and I slipped to the floor, massaging my sore spots. I looked up at him, and scowled. “So why did Ridwaan say…?” He hunkered down to my level.

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20#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

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Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I got ready and waited to go to work on our ‘project’ and like Imraan said, he organised with Yumna’s Mum to come and fetch me. As soon as the car hooted, I kissed Mum and ran off, not giving her a chance to come outside to see who it was and ask any questions.

“Oh hey! I’ve been meaning to ask you… How did you manage to meet up? I’m so sorry I couldn’t make it. Things took longer than I expected.”, Yumna said, as if she had no idea that I came with Mum. I sat there watching her pretend like everything was normal. Well it WAS normal, to her. Being a Snobbish backstabber was a hobby for her. I so wanted to throw it in her face right then that I knew she was there and that I even knew who she was with and what she said about me. I feel like an idiot. I should’ve known, if she could talk to me about Umaymah, then she obviously would talk to others about me.

I fought back the urge and kept my emotions in check. I had spent so much time thinking about my revenge, I wasn’t going to blow it now. “No stress, My Mum was headed that way, so I caught a lift and sneaked off.”, I told her calmly. When we got to her house, sure enough, the dress was there. I took off my old cloak and put on the dress Imraan bought me. It was stunning! The blue was just the perfect shade not to attract too much attention but still turn heads. The design was so simple, yet so bold at the same time. And best of all, it wasn’t Indiany. I don’t know how he managed to pick out the perfect dress for me, when even my mum has a hard time doing that, WITH ME BY HER SIDE.

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19#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

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Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I needed to meet Imraan today but I had no idea how I was going to pull it off. It seemed impossible. I couldn’t even ask Mum because I didn’t want to push it. I already asked to go out too many times, if I asked for another, she might just snap and shorten my rope again.

I thought about getting off the school minibus at the mall and getting Imraan to drop me off at home and I tell mum we were working a little late on prepping for the project, but it was too risky. The last thing I needed now was to have Ridwaan spying on me again, or worse, Dad spotting me during some business in the mall. Imraan just knows how to pick the worst of times.

I was so desperate that I even asked Yumna if her Mum wasn’t going to the mall today to run some errands. “I’m not sure, why?”, she wanted to know. “Well… If I tell you, say Kasam you’re not going to tell ANYONE!”, I made her promise. “Yes Yes, Ma ki Kasam! Tell…”, she said impatiently. “Hey! Don’t say Kasam on your mother! The Prophet (S.A.W) said: “Whoever swears by anything other than Allah is guilty of kufr or shirk.”

(Saheeh, narrated by Ahmad, Abu Dawood, al-Tirmidhi).

“Annnd… You’re going to give me a lecture right now? Like… For real?”, Yumna raised one eyebrow and pouted to show her disinterest. “I’m serious Yumna, taking oaths is a VERY serious thing in Islam.”, I told her. “So then why are you making me take an oath then? Are you going to tell me or not?!”, she demanded to know. “Ok fine, I need to meet Imraan at the mall today.”, I whispered. Yumna couldn’t hold back her shock, “What?! Oh-Ehm-Geeee! So does this mean that you two are officially a couple?”
“Well… I wouldn’t call it that, but we’re exclusive.”
“Call it whatever you want, at the end of the day it’s the same thing! I can’t believe it! Finally!”
“PLEASE don’t tell anyone. I don’t need another Ridwaan incident.”
“Ridwaan? What are you talking about?”
“You won’t believe it….”

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18#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

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Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

While Imraan wasn’t in contact with me and I was all depressed, I kept questioning myself. Why did I need his acceptance? Why did it hurt so much??

I guess, for the first time, I was actually getting noticed by a guy who wasn’t a low life. The thought of going back to being the lonely self I used to be, made me feel uneasy. But even with all that… When I tried convincing myself that I didn’t need him to give me an identity, the thought of him having the power to destroy any identity I make for my own self, made me feel even more uneasy. I would be able to let go if we finished on good terms, knowing that he wasn’t going to be out to get me, but finishing like this… Well… Let’s just say it wasn’t about closure, but security.

Eventually, I got a call from Imraan. I locked my room door and hid under my bed, hoping Mum wouldn’t be able to hear me on the phone.

“I’m so sorry for the other day babe. I ended our chat so abruptly and on top of that, I didn’t get back to you after that.”

“Hmm…”

“So… Did you miss me?”

“I’m not sure…”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… I wasn’t even told that you were gone.”

“I’m so sorry pup. Thing is, I was soooooo so angry! I met up with Farouk and some guys at the garage to blow off some steam. At one point I was so angry, I flung my phone and it shattered. Farouk knew that if I stayed around any longer, I was going to do something to Ridwaan that I would live to regret at some point in my life. So he talked me into going away on a hiking trip with some of our other friends. The reception there sucked too, so I couldn’t even call you from someone else’s phone.”

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17#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

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Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I woke up to the sound of my noisy door closing slowly. Mum came to check on me. She left a note on my bedside saying: “Going to the bank and to get you some meds, might be a while. Keep warm”. I was now home alone. Dad was gone to work (on a Sunday, can you believe it?!), and Aunty Jane, our domestic, was off. I rolled myself up in my blanket like a caterpillar in a cocoon and walked to the lounge to watch some TV. I felt so lethargic that if I didn’t have to go down a flight of stairs, I would’ve creepy crawled to the lounge to avoid using my legs. The thought of just laying flat on the stairs and sliding down instead, did cross my mind though.

As I flipped through the channels, waiting for Mum to get home to make me some soup, I heard my jar of shinny marbles fall. I don’t know where the energy came from, but I jumped up instantly, then fell over due to the restraints of the blanket cocoon. I got out of my blanket and hid behind the couch. Someone was in the house… How I wish I paid closer attention to the traps that the little boy in ‘Home Alone’ set for the thieves.
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16#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

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Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

Imraan and I chatted all night that night. I didn’t even realise the time until I heard my alarm go off 30 minutes before Fajr.

Me: I’ve g2g. I got to read Salaah just now.
IMK786: There’s still time babe.
Me: Yeah but maybe I can get a small 15 minute power nap before getting up to go. Plus I’m going to have to get ready for school anyway and I’m not feeling too good at all.
IMK786: What’s wrong love?
Me: I think I might be coming down with the flu or something. I shouldn’t have played in the rain yesterday.
IMK786: Silly girl. You’re already my desi girl. There’s no need to run in the rain to prove it.
Me: Lol you’re an idiot sometimes.
IMK786: And you’re just gorgeous. I wish I could see what you look like right now. Must be like a dream…
IMK786: Send me one pic.
Me: Your bum… I look like a hobo. My nose is runny and my hair is a mess!
IMK786: Well in that case… I have a big heart. I don’t mind sharing my bed with a hobo. Hop in…
Me: Very funny. This doesn’t feel real…
IMK786: What doesn’t feel real?
Me: All this… I mean. You hardly know me but you’re carrying on like a love bolt struck you.
IMK786: What can I say… You have that effect on me.
Me: I’m serious Imraan…
IMK786: And so am I. Nusaybah, I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life! I won’t back down until you feel the way I feel too.
Me: That’s sweet… But how about, no love stories or anything of the sort.
IMK786: Then what are we then?
Me: I don’t know… Call it whatever you like. An exclusive friendship if you will…
IMK786: I see.
Me: I’m going to get going now…
IMK786: I’m going to miss you.
Me: Lol alright.
IMK786: Won’t you miss me?
Me: Nope. I hardly know you.
IMK786: Seems like I need to show you who I am then.
Me: Seems like….
Me: Anyway… I really should get going now. Cya around.
IMK786: Take care Swt<3

You are now offline.

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15#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

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Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

Where do I start Sadeekun? I have so much to tell you! The last time I wrote, I said I would be putting Imraan in his place. Well… Things didn’t go exactly as planned.

Imraan had sent me a message in the morning saying: Waking up in the morning feels so much better when I have a beauty to call my own. I hope to spend my days making you smile… Have an awesome day pup.

Although it was flattering, it just made me want to slap him. I messaged back…

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14#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

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Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I thought I’d give talking Mum into letting me go to the fair a shot. Her first response was, “Your legs are getting too long young lady.”. “What’s that supposed to mean Mum?”, I asked. “We give you a finger and you take the whole arm. First it’s Yumna’s house and now you want to go gallivanting some more.”, she scolded. “But Mum, I’ve never been to a fair… Ever!”, I whined. “YES… You have.”, she said, raising and eyebrow. “OK fine, yes but I can’t even remember much of it. Luqmaan might because he was the one having all the fun. All I know is that I was too small to go on almost anything, so you bought me candyfloss and dragged me around everywhere from stall to stall while Dad and Luqi had all the fun.”, I complained.

Mum shook her head saying, “So ungrateful…”. “Please mum.” “No…” “But Mum all my friends are going to be there. And when they are all talking about it at school, I’ll be the only idiot who has no clue about what happened.” “Well then you’ll just have to deal with that when the time comes. My answer is still no.” “Pleeeeaaassse.”, I begged. “Oh look… Your Dad’s here. Why don’t you ask him yourself.”, Mum evilly suggested, knowing fully well that he’d say no, especially when he is asked just as he enters the house from a long day of hard labour. “Ask me what?”, Dad asked, taking his jacket off.

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13#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

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Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

My phone started ringing at half past 2 in the morning, waking me up in a panic. I cut the call almost immediately without even checking who it was. If Dad found out that anyone at all was phoning me at that part of the morning, he’d take away my phone. I put my phone on silent in case they decided to call back. 5 minutes had gone by, but nothing. I assumed it was probably someone who dialed the wrong number.

Just as I was about to fall back into a deep sleep, my phone started vibrating like a massage chair. I could barely read the number on the screen when I hit the reject button. It was a scary thought that someone I didn’t know was trying to call me at that hour. Again it rang… But this time I answered without saying a word. I’ve heard too many stories where people do black magic on you just by hearing your voice on the phone. I don’t know how far that is true, but a call from a dodgy number at this part of the morning, wasn’t going to have me saying a word! Not at least until I felt safe knowing who it was.

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12#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

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Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I probably woke up last from everyone this morning. Who could blame me after the jam-packed day we had yesterday?

When I got to the bathroom to freshen up before breakfast, I realised that I had no toothbrush. I wasn’t going to be a pain and ask Yumna for one. “What’s just one day without brushing your teeth?”, I thought, convincing myself that it wasn’t really a big deal. When I’d gotten to the table where everyone was busy having breakfast, I noticed that they had become awfully quiet all of a sudden and Umaymah looked like she was ticked off about something.

I didn’t want to come across as being nosey, so I started a new conversation instead, “Sooo… How’d everyone sleep last night?”. “Oh fine, how about you? I hope the mattress wasn’t too uncomfortable?”, Yumna kindly asked. “Nooooo no. In fact, I hadn’t slept like that in years! It was more comfortable than my own bed!”, I replied excitedly while grabbing a pancake. “Well lucky you. I hardly slept at all. The couch isn’t exactly an ideal sleeping place.”, Umaymah groaned. “Why’d you sleep there? You could’ve shared with me.”, I told her. She glared over at Yumna, who answered for Umaymah, “Oh Well… You know how Umaymah is. She’s sensitive to just about everything.”

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