2#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER – Season 2]

The Diary Of A Sinner

{A CIIYF Production}
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Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

It has been a few months since the whole Imraan incident. I cut off all contact with him after he tried to reach out. I think he and Ruzba are done, but hey… I couldn’t care any less. I cried for a whole week before I got over it and moved on.

The only thing I can’t get over is the regret of lying to my parents. I broke their trust. The day my father walked into my room and saw me covered in bruises and stitches, I expected him to explode. He sighed and sat at the foot of my bed. “What have you got yourself mixed up in Nusaybah?”, he asked me in a very disappointed tone that made me feel so guilty that I wished he had exploded instead.

“I… I… Got into a fight with a girl. I’m sorry…

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1#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 2]

The Diary Of A Sinner

{A CIIYF Production}
image

Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

So it’s a new year and since I’m still alive, I decided to clean up my room. It was time for me to take my old diary off the shelf and put up the new one. I went through my diary one more time before it had to go for storage. A lot happened last year.

1. We moved to a whole new place and I introduced myself to you for the first time Sadeekun. I wonder what you would’ve said if you could talk.
2. I saw this new life as being an opportunity to have friends and be someone else. Lesson learnt: If they don’t like you for who you are, they aren’t worth changing for.
3. I lost myself trying to fit in with the popular kids. I stopped reading Salaah so that I could spend more time with them…

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21#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

The Diary Of A Sinner

{A CIIYF Production}
image

Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I pushed him aside and made a run for it! Before I could reach the door he grabbed my arm, twisted it and shoved me face down on the bed. I couldn’t move with all his weight on top of me. My heart rate was quite fast now, this was it. I could feel his breath on my neck, piercing my skin.

“Why did you do it?” I said trying to buy me some time. If he was gonna hurt me, I’d take as much benefit from it as I could. He put his mouth to my ear and said very distinctly, each syllable pronounced clearly like I was a 2 year old. “I-did-not-rape-her.”
I paused, loosening my muscles from trying to break free. Imraan slowly let my arm go and then towered over me as if he was doing a push up…

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20#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

The Diary Of A Sinner

{A CIIYF Production}
image

Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I got ready and waited to go to work on our ‘project’ and like Imraan said, he organised with Yumna’s Mum to come and fetch me. As soon as the car hooted, I kissed Mum and ran off, not giving her a chance to come outside to see who it was and ask any questions.

“Oh hey! I’ve been meaning to ask you… How did you manage to meet up? I’m so sorry I couldn’t make it. Things took longer than I expected.”, Yumna said, as if she had no idea that I came with Mum. I sat there watching her pretend like everything was normal. Well it WAS normal, to her. Being a Snobbish backstabber was a hobby for her. I so wanted to throw it in her face right then that I knew she was there and that I even knew…

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19#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

The Diary Of A Sinner

{A CIIYF Production}

image

Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I needed to meet Imraan today but I had no idea how I was going to pull it off. It seemed impossible. I couldn’t even ask Mum because I didn’t want to push it. I already asked to go out too many times, if I asked for another, she might just snap and shorten my rope again.

I thought about getting off the school minibus at the mall and getting Imraan to drop me off at home and I tell mum we were working a little late on prepping for the project, but it was too risky. The last thing I needed now was to have Ridwaan spying on me again, or worse, Dad spotting me during some business in the mall. Imraan just knows how to pick the worst of times.

I was so desperate that I even asked Yumna if her…

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18#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

The Diary Of A Sinner

{A CIIYF Production}
image

Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

While Imraan wasn’t in contact with me and I was all depressed, I kept questioning myself. Why did I need his acceptance? Why did it hurt so much??

I guess, for the first time, I was actually getting noticed by a guy who wasn’t a low life. The thought of going back to being the lonely self I used to be, made me feel uneasy. But even with all that… When I tried convincing myself that I didn’t need him to give me an identity, the thought of him having the power to destroy any identity I make for my own self, made me feel even more uneasy. I would be able to let go if we finished on good terms, knowing that he wasn’t going to be out to get me, but finishing like this… Well… Let’s just say it wasn’t about…

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17#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

The Diary Of A Sinner

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I woke up to the sound of my noisy door closing slowly. Mum came to check on me. She left a note on my bedside saying: “Going to the bank and to get you some meds, might be a while. Keep warm”. I was now home alone. Dad was gone to work (on a Sunday, can you believe it?!), and Aunty Jane, our domestic, was off. I rolled myself up in my blanket like a caterpillar in a cocoon and walked to the lounge to watch some TV. I felt so lethargic that if I didn’t have to go down a flight of stairs, I would’ve creepy crawled to the lounge to avoid using my legs. The thought of just laying flat on the stairs and sliding down instead, did cross my mind though.

As I flipped through the channels, waiting for…

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16#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

The Diary Of A Sinner

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

Imraan and I chatted all night that night. I didn’t even realise the time until I heard my alarm go off 30 minutes before Fajr.

Me: I’ve g2g. I got to read Salaah just now.
IMK786: There’s still time babe.
Me: Yeah but maybe I can get a small 15 minute power nap before getting up to go. Plus I’m going to have to get ready for school anyway and I’m not feeling too good at all.
IMK786: What’s wrong love?
Me: I think I might be coming down with the flu or something. I shouldn’t have played in the rain yesterday.
IMK786: Silly girl. You’re already my desi girl. There’s no need to run in the rain to prove it.
Me: Lol you’re an idiot sometimes.
IMK786: And you’re just gorgeous. I wish I could see what you look like right now…

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15#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

The Diary Of A Sinner

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

Where do I start Sadeekun? I have so much to tell you! The last time I wrote, I said I would be putting Imraan in his place. Well… Things didn’t go exactly as planned.

Imraan had sent me a message in the morning saying: Waking up in the morning feels so much better when I have a beauty to call my own. I hope to spend my days making you smile… Have an awesome day pup.

Although it was flattering, it just made me want to slap him. I messaged back…

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14#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 1]

The Diary Of A Sinner

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I thought I’d give talking Mum into letting me go to the fair a shot. Her first response was, “Your legs are getting too long young lady.”. “What’s that supposed to mean Mum?”, I asked. “We give you a finger and you take the whole arm. First it’s Yumna’s house and now you want to go gallivanting some more.”, she scolded. “But Mum, I’ve never been to a fair… Ever!”, I whined. “YES… You have.”, she said, raising and eyebrow. “OK fine, yes but I can’t even remember much of it. Luqmaan might because he was the one having all the fun. All I know is that I was too small to go on almost anything, so you bought me candyfloss and dragged me around everywhere from stall to stall while Dad and Luqi had all the fun.”, I complained.

Mum shook her…

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