1# [THE DIARY OF A SINNER- Season 5]

{A CIIYF Production}
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Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

5 Months feel like a lifetime ago. Since then I’ve moved out of the hotel and found a flat to stay in here in Durban, focusing my energy into putting a home together for my bride to come home to the day I get married. My parents have been encouraging me to work on it while I’m still a bachelor because priorities change once you accept a second person into your life.

The flat is great and from the lounge window, I can actually see the beach. I would’ve loved to be able to own this place but for now, renting will do. Things seem to falling into place. My life finally feels like its getting back on track and I can honestly say that I’m happy.

If you saw me the night I returned from Nusaybah’s house, you would’ve thought I had lost my mind and that there was no hope for me.

**Flashback**

I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I tried my best to make this proposal a memorable one and boy was it! For all the wrong reasons thanks to Nusaybah.

To make things worse, Nusaybah has agreed to see other ‘potential suitors’. Yeah right! That’s just another word for wanting to see other guys. Window shopping they call it. I should’ve just listened to Umi. She warned me that Nusaybah would break my heart.

I was furious and hurt at the same time. I had given up everything for her, almost all my salary, two years of my life and all of my hopes and dreams. Being young and immature, I should’ve expected this from her. How could I have been so stupid?!

Nusaybah didn’t even have the decency to tell me on her own, she sent her father to threaten to have me thrown out. She didn’t even give me a chance to explain. I had never felt so humiliated in my life. Allah only knows how my parents must’ve felt. It makes me angry just thinking about it.

The drive back was a quiet one. By the time we got back to Durban, I had nothing left to cry for. I was filled with rage. 2 days had gone by and Asghar came to pop in and see how I was doing. I didn’t know what to tell him. I was losing all hope in life. “I’ve tried everything. I’ve called everyone. She just refuses to talk to me. I’m getting tired of chasing her man.”, I let out a deep sigh as I sunk into the couch. “Don’t take this the wrong way bra, but maybe it’s a good thing.”, Asghar said, scratching in my cupboards for something to nibble on.

How could this be a good thing? My life seemed to be perfect and it just fell apart and he says its a good thing. “I don’t understand.”, I looked at him like he was crazy. “If she couldn’t accept your past, how was she going to share your future with you? I mean, she would live to only pick on what you did. Trust me, women are like that. It’s like they don’t ever make mistakes.”, I heard the sound of chips crunch as Asghar explained.

He was right, I knew he was, but I found it so hard to just let go. “Nusaybah changed my life, made me feel like being a better person. How do I move on from that?”, I asked him, desperate for answers. “Tell me… When was the last time you read Salaah?”, he looked at me curiously.
“Well uhm… While I was there.”
“There’s your problem. You changed for her, not for Allah. You think you’re doing it for Allah’s pleasure but see… Since she’s gone, you’ve stopped.”, Asghar slapped some sense into me.

I needed one last chance. Just one…

Abbu gave me Uncle Nazeem’s number. I took a deep breath in and dialled it. While it rang, my heart pounded as my thoughts trailed back two nights to when uncle Nazeem showed me that video.

“Hello?”
“Uhm… Uncle Nazeem… Uhm… It’s me Sayfullah.”
“Assalaamu-Alaikum-Wa-Rahmatulahi-Wa-Barakaatu. How are you?”
“Wa-Alaikum-Salaam. Alhumdulilah. I- I’m calling because I needed to talk to you about what you know about that video. I’ve tried talking to Nusaybah but she and her father both refuse to hear me out. You’re my last hope.”
“Go ahead my boy.”

I went on to explain the whole story to him and besides the occasional “uh-huh” and “I see..”, he remained silent.

“I really would’ve told Nusaybah about it if I myself knew, but by the time I found out, I didn’t think it mattered anymore. I’m not that person anymore.”
“I hear you. And I do apologise for my part in this. I hope you understand where I am coming from though as a concerned friend of her father’s. Nusaybah is like a niece to me, if not like a daughter.”
“Jee…”
“I will pass on your explanation to her father but I don’t know what good it will do. I hear he has already sent out word for a suitor for his daughter.”
“I appreciate that Uncle Nazeem. I just pray it’s not too late.”

Before we could put the phone down, something popped into my head.

“Uncle Nazeem! Maaf… Uh… One last thing.”
“Jee?”
“Well… Could you tell me the number from which the video was sent? Perhaps it could help me understand who is behind all of this and why they did it.”
“I’m afraid I deleted the video along with the senders number that same night after showing it to you. But to be honest, even if I did have it, I wouldn’t wish to take this matter further. What’s done is done. Rather leave it alone my boy.”

As disappointed as I was, I knew he was right. The last time I went poking around in fire, I got burnt. I waited 3 more days but nothing. Not a word. I knew it was over.

Then I received a message that changed everything.

**End Of Flashback**

“Heeey man! This place looks awesome. I just checked out the pool area on the way up.” Zaid popped his head out by the door.
“Yeah? We can go for a swim later if you like. I just want to get these few things done today. Thanks for coming bra, I knew I could count on you.”
“Anytime man. You know I’m here for you.”

Zaid was the one person who kept me going at work during all those hard times, despite my snappy behavior. He himself was going through some tough times at home. His sister-in-law was to be getting married soon and he had to face the grim reality that his brother was truly never coming back.

I couldn’t understand how he managed to be so content no matter how hard the situation got. I asked him to tell me his secret, so one day he took me to a mosque. It was empty. He told me how he found inner peace by accepting that Allah is in charge and, “If it’s meant for you… It will never miss you.” That was his motto in life.

Zaid is a one of a kind kinda friend. He just knew the right things to say. Shaun and Keegan on the other hand were determined on trying to convince me to get revenge in order to get over Nusaybah. “Once this girl broke my heart, so I posted her picture on a website with her number and a price.”, Shaun chuckled proudly. I couldn’t believe that guys could stoop that low.

I had genuine feelings for Nusaybah, and even if I didn’t, I still wouldn’t have done that to her… Just because she is a Muslim woman. “That’s not cool. You know, the Qur’an teaches us to protect our women. Imagine if someone did that to your sister man.”, Zaid told Shaun, not afraid to condemn his actions out loud. That was Zaid, using any opportunity to give dawah. “Then I’d have his picture posted up to have him sold to the Japanese as a slave!”, Shaun slammed his fist on the table. Double standards.

Zaid and I started the painting process. I cut the corners while he mixed the paint. As I rolled the first coat of paint on the walls, my thoughts travelled back to Nusaybah. We once planned on doing this together in our first home. It was one of our life goals but I couldn’t wait for her any longer.

**Flashback**

The message I received was so unexpected…

Naso: Hey stranger. How’s things going?
Me: Stranger? I thought you were the one who said we shouldn’t talk anymore.
Naso: I know but… I thought I’d check in with you. I uh… I heard. How are you holding up?
Me: I feel like crap. I just can’t make sense of anything.
Naso: I’m here if you want to talk about it…
Me: I’d rather not talk about it. It’s a long story. I’m not pushing you away. There’s just too much to explain.
Naso: I got time if you make the time…

I don’t know why, but I felt like opening up to Naseerah. I needed to see things from someone else’s perspective, someone neutral. Was I the only one who felt that Nusaybah was being unreasonable? Or was I just being too pushy?

Naso: Ya Allah! You blew all that money on someone that’s not prepared to accept your past mistakes and move on, knowing that you’re a changed man??!
Me: It’s really costly to go and see her.
Naso: You’re making a mistake. I’m sorry to tell you that.
Me: Why you say mistake?
Naso: Coz if she can’t let go of your past and forgive you before marriage, what happens after marriage when you make a mistake? She’ll file for divorce over something silly.
Me: Hmmm….
Naso: You must remember one thing, everyone makes mistakes. It’s up to you and her to forgive each other to make you’lls marriage work. If she’s going to hide behind her father and ignore you now, you think she’s going to stay by your side when things really get tough?
Naso: I’m not trying to butt you off from getting married to her. Please don’t get me wrong. I’m trying to make you see the light. You can still get married to her but set the rules from now!
Naso: Hey you still there?

She had a point Sadeekun. I needed to buck up and be the man. I texted Nusaybah same time to let her know how I felt. Thanks to Naseerah, I finally got a response from Nusaybah and once again, things changed again.

**End Of Flashback**

Sayfullah

>>>I’ll try and post every second day. If my week is quiet then In-Sha-Allah I will post more often.

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NB:This post in no way whatsoever promotes the idea of chatting to the opposite gender in person or over text.

“And whoever is patient and forgives – indeed, that is of the matters [requiring] determination.” [Quran 42:43]

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means…” [Quran 4:34]

StaY tUnED for MoRe deTaIlS On WhaT WeNT DoWn BetWeeN nuSaYbAH ANd SaYfUlLAH<<<

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