19#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER – Season 4]

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

Having Zaid around is like having my mother here (she’d slap me if I told her that- No one is good enough to take her place, not even my wife!). I woke up this morning in time to wash up and read salaah, Zaid was already done. Infact, when I finished reading he had breakfast ready and waiting. He called the other guys to join too since that was the Muslim thing to do, but they refused, saying it’s too early and asked if we were mad. As far as I know, it’s true that every pakistaani man knows how to cook and cut hair (atleast every one I’ve met). Seeing what a good roomate Zaid is, it made me feel lousy. What if I was the Shaun of his life? I enjoy his company but I want him to enjoy mine just as much! So I planned for supper to be on me.

Work has been a little hectic lately. But I need to start pushing some overtime if I ever want to bring my bride home, to our OWN home. Today I got 5 missed calls from Zuhayr. It was so frustrating because I really wanted to know what he had to say, but we aren’t allowed to answer personal calls during work hours and if it’s an emergency then our siblings must phone on the work phone. It might sound unfair, but I guess if I were the boss I’d have the same rule because I’ve seen how people go on and on, on their phones during work hours and no actual work gets done in the time they are getting paid for. As soon as I had a chance during my lunch break, I called Zuhayr back. After we greeted eachother he said, “I know we are to avoid suspicion in Islam, so please come over after work. I found out something important, something you’d want to know.” As annoying as it was that Zuhayr wouldn’t spit it out right there and then, I understood that ,that wasn’t his character. He never talks about someone in their absence, especially not when it surrounds suspicion or if the truth was not confirmed. Come to think of it, even when it IS confirmed, he wouldn’t say a word unless he says it straight to you. It might sound snobby but hey, I’d rather you say it to my face rather than stab me in the back.

I couldn’t wait for my shift to be over, I needed to know what Zuhayr knew. My waiting didn’t end when I reached his house. He took Stanley and I for a drive. Suddenly the path we were taking brought back bitter memories. All that rage and anger came back when Zuhayr sped up the hill Maami sped up 2 years ago. We were going to Ahmed’s house. I could only imagine what Zuhayr must’ve been feeling, but I was grateful that he was helping me out this way. The whole drive was almost quiet and uncomfortable for us all. I guess we were all taking a trip down memory lane.
When we pulled up in Ahmed’s driveway, his mother came to the door. We asked to speak to Ahmed but she thought I wanted to hit him again, so she told us to leave. Zuhayr gave her his word and she let us in. Ahmed looked like real crap! I don’t know how he manages to look in the mirror without screaming everytime. He looked shocked to see us. The first thing he asked Zuhayr was, “Did you bring my laatie?”. I wanted to slap him Sadeekun! Zuhayr gave his word but I didn’t. I would take pleasure in busting his jaw again! Zuhayr on the other hand stayed calm and got straight to the point, “Do you remember this guy?”, Stanley stepped forward. “The night Sayfullah got drugged, he was there. Luckily he had a camera.”, Zuhayr said, taking out a phone from his pocket. My eyes widened, I leaned over, confused, “I thought he deleted all the evidence.”, I said softly. Zuhayr blinked his eyes slowly while nodding his head in a way to say, “Yes, but just trust me.”. I put my game face back on and pretended like I knew exactly what Zuhayr was going to say next. “Here’s Stanley, with his friends. And here, and here.”, Zuhayr swiped to the next 5 photos before stopping at the last one. “Look closely, is this not your car parked on the other side of the river?”, Zuhayr asked, looking Ahmed straight in the eye. “This could be any day. I’ve been to lugz more times than you ever will. Besides, just because my car is there, it doesn’t put me at the crime scene.”, Ahmed said, acting like he’s watched every detective series there is. After showing him the date stamp, Zuhayr said, “Very well, look at this picture… I’ll zoom into it, who’s in the reflection on Stanley’s glasses?”. By now my game face was long gone and my I’m-going-to-bust-you-up face was here to stay!!! “So what? If I’m there, it doesn’t mean I did anything.”, Ahmed defended himself. I took a step forward before Zuhayr stopped me, “There’s more…”. He held me back and continued, “There’s more that you know about that night that you aren’t telling anyone. Why? Knowing you, you’d be more than willing to tarnish Sayfullah’s name, weather you were involved or not.”, Zuhayr pointed out. “I’m sure that you wern’t just hanging around Sayfullah’s turf that night for no reason. After what he did to you, you would’ve either wanted nothing to do with him or knowing you, you would’ve wanted revenge. So far, your body language and all this evidence points directly to you. So speak up if you are innocent.”, Zuhayr said, being the awesome detective he just turned out to be. Ahmed rolled his eyeballs, told us we were wasting his time and showed us the door. I couldn’t take it! I grabbed him by the collar, “Listen here you cake! I want to start my life as a husband knowing exactly what I’m giving to Nusaybah! Now you’re going to tell me what you did to me that night or I’m going to bust it out of you!”, I threatened. “I didn’t do anything!”, Ahmed yelled. Zuhayr pulled on my shoulder so that I’d let go, smiled, waited for a second, then said, “I believe you. Jazak-Allah for your time. Assalaamu Alaikum”. I was shocked! “That’s it?”, I asked Zuhayr as he pulled me with him back to the car. “We just going to leave it at that?!”, I asked again. Zuhayr just threw me a ‘Trust-Me’ look and got in the car.

As we drove off, my head was spinning with all this new information. “Give it till end of the day or latest, end of the week. You’ll get your answers.”, Zuhayr said, sounding sure of himself. I was so close to finding the truth Sadeekun, SO CLOSE! I had an adrenaline rush go through me, all for nothing. I hope Zuhayr is right because I can’t bare this anymore. All I want to know is if I did anything that night. Zina and alcohol were two things I told myself I’d never ever do! I already know I broke one of those things, I hope and pray that I haven’t broken the other. It’ll ruin me!

I decided to think of happier things, like making my special stirfry tonight for supper (that’s about the only thing I can actually make). I stopped at the shop and picked up some stuff. While there, I noticed all the Muslim couples around with their children and I immediately got butterflies. That’s what I want! Knowing that the angels reply when you make a dua for someone else, I recited the dua when seeing another muslim cheerful.

Adhak-allahu Sinuk
(May Allah, keep you laughing forever (happy)) -(Bukhari).

I prayed that In-Sha-Allah, Allah would bless me with a loving family too. The whole way home all I could think about was what Nusaybah was up to. I hoped she wasn’t being overworked even on her birthday. I sent her a text this morning to wish her, I thought maybe they would’ve given Nusaybah her phone so that her friends could wish her but she didn’t get it or she would’ve replied. Her Dad must still have it.

Later that evening, while making supper,I told Zaid about Nusaybah and how something from my past could change everything. I didn’t give him details because I’m not proud or happy of what I did. I could see that he felt sorry for me. All he could say was, “If she’s written in your Taqdeer, then it will happen. Only Allah can change it. Put your trust in him alone, ask for forgiveness and move on. Digging around in the past can only bring hurt. Forget about it and don’t let it happen again.” I knew Zaid was right, but a voice in my head said, “It’s easy for him to say that. He doesn’t even know what I’ve been through.”. I knew it was the whispers of shaitaan, so I went to make wudhu and read my Maghrib salaah. After I was done, I got a message from Naseerah. She’d been texting me ever since we exchanged BBM pins. I basically know her daily routine. I haven’t yet found the right chance to tell her about Nusaybah. On the other hand, I’m worried that if Nusaybah’s dad disapproves or if Nusaybah meets me and changes her mind, she still has time to find someone else and settle down, while I on the other hand am losing precious time. Here’s this girl Naseerah who really seems to be taking a liking to me. Would it really be wise of me to cut her loose before being sure that Nusaybah really wants to marry me?

Just as those thoughts ran through my head, my phone rang. Nusaybah’s number appeared on my screen and as I answered, a deep manly voice asked to speak to Sayfullah. “I am him. This is me.. or him. I mean I am Sayfullah”, I blabbered. When I was told I was speaking to Nusaybah’s dad, I slapped my forehead in embarassment for making such a fool of myself. “Uhm jee?”, was all I could think of to say next. “I’ve heard a lot about you. Infact I’ve heard too much. I’m not happy with the way you’ve went about worming your way into my daughter’s life.”, he said, I went weak in the knees. I didn’t know what to say. “However, I’m willing to give you a chance. Nusaybah has proven herself worthy and I have forgiven her. You still need to prove yourself.”, he continued, I couldn’t tell if this conversation was good or bad. He went on to say that he’ll hand Nusaybah the phone to speak to me for 2 minutes and that if I knew what was good for me I wouldn’t say anything “Haraam” to her. Nusaybah sounded shocked when she realised it was me. I don’t blame her, I couldn’t believe it myself. “How’s your day been?”, I asked, trying to avoid any questions about her stay at her Dadi’s so that her dad doesn’t know we were in contact. “It’s been the most amazing birthday ever! All my family came over and you’ll never believe who… how… lovely… it was.”, she said. I could tell she was being censored,but I knew she’d tell me once she’d get her phone back. “I’ve got you a little gift. I wish I could’ve been there to give it to you.”, I told her. She said that the phonecall was a good enough gift and she thanked me before I said my Salaams and asked her to give the phone back to her father. I know I could’ve spoken longer, I would’ve loved to, but this was one of those tests that parents put on the guy to see if he’s trustworthy, like when they say, “Bring her back by 10 and no later” (Muslim parents would NEVER say those words, they test us in a different way… like this). So before my 2 minutes were up, I thought I’d impress him. I thanked him for allowing us to talk and apologised for everything else. Then he said something that would change my life forever, “I want you and your parents to come over next weekend.”. That was it Sadeekun! Months of waiting, finally over! It felt as if my heart was beating out of my chest!. After he put the phone down, I couldn’t wait to tell Umi. I lifted up my phone to call her, but before I could go to the dial screen, I saw Naseerah’s messages. I was speechless when I read all of them. Today of all days, she decided to profess her love for me. This had gone too far. If I was ever going to tell her about Nusaybah, now had, had to be the time:

Me: I’m flattered by everything you’ve just said. It’s just…
Me: I’m sorry.
Me: I shouldn’t have given you the impression that I was interested in you in that sort of way. I was just trying to be friendly. Don’t get me wrong, you’re an amazing girl and I’m sure there’ll be someone who’d be more than lucky to have you by their side.
Me: Truth is, well, I’ve already got someone I’m interested in but nobody knows about her. I wanted you to see that I’m a good guy so that when I told you, you’d keep my secret and not tell Maimoonah or my Maami.
Naso: I think we should stop chatting. I hope everything works out for you.
Me: I’m so sorry. Please don’t be upset. We can still be friends, you don’t have to go.
Me: Please don’t tell anyone about this.
Naso: Who’s the lucky girl?
Naso: You can trust that your secret is safe with me. Although, I don’t understand why you decide to hide it if you truly love her.
Me: Nusaybah…
Me: Well actually, she’s the one who wants it to remain a secret just untill everything became official.
Naso: I wish you guys all of the best. I don’t think I can bare looking at your name on my screen all day, knowing what I know now.
Me: I’m sorry…
Naso: Don’t be. It has been a great learning experience. Slms. Tc

And with that Sadeekun, she removed me from her contact list and my life with Nusaybah officially began. Although I felt horrible, it really was for the best.

>>> ThE beSt oF maRriaGes aRe thE oNes DonE tHe HalAal Way …
NB: Dating in Islam is Haraam and in no way does this post promote the idea in any way!

FACT: No good ever comes of the mixing of genders, be it in person or behind the screens.

The Prophet (SAW) said: “Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Shaytan makes a third” (Tirmidhi)

He (SAW) also advised men: “Not one of you should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative within the prohibited degrees” (Bukhari, Muslim)

“Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity “(Quran 24:26)

“A woman may married for four
reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper”. (Bukhari and Muslim)

“Three groups of people Allah
obliged Himself to help them:
Mujahid in the cause of Allah, a
worker to pay his debt, and the one who wants to marry to live a chaste life”. (Tirmidhi)

“do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner” (Quran 2:232)

“No man has the right to be in the privacy with a woman who is not lawful for him. Satan is their third party unless there is a mahram”. (Ahmad)

WatCh ThOs SpaCe fOr mOre<<<

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