18#[THE DIARY OF A SINNER – Season 4]

{A CIIYF Production}

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

“Don’t apologise. It was me who gave Stanley orders that night…”, Zuhayr said. To me it looked as if he had a slight smirk on his face. It could also be my imagination running away with me. Then again, after what he’s done, I wouldn’t put anything pass him. How could he do such a thing?! I always thought of him as a pious, good-hearted person.
“What the?!! Why would you do that Zuhayr? What have I ever done to you?!”, I yelled. All he did was nod his head and say, “Follow me”. Who the hell did he think he was? Telling me what to do after he’s commited such a grave sin towards me. I got in my car and followed him anyway. Afterall I was there to get answers, whatever way it may be. We drove further into town and stopped at a random bus-stop. I was itching so bad to get answers, I didn’t even realise that this could be another one of his setups. Maybe he braught me here to get one of his goons to slice me, steal my organs to DONATE to the hospital, and throw my left overs in the bush nearby. He’s already done one thing I never imagined he would do, what’s to stop him from doing something worse. He’d probably think it’s ok coz he’d be saving 5 other people’s lives. I made up my mind to stay put and keep my engine running with my foot ready to hit the gas. A few minutes later we saw Stanley get off a bus. Zuhayr got out of his car but I didn’t move an inch. He signaled for me to drop my window. I guess he noticed that I wasn’t too comfortable. “Heeey boss man! What are you doing here?”, Stanley smiled and gave Zuhayr a hug. I wouldn’t even dream of hugging my boss, Zuhayr was so down to earth that everybody felt like being themselves around him. I shook my head to throw out all my good thoughts of peace-loving-Zuhayr.

After asking him how he’s been coping with the new job and asking about the family, Zuhayr finally got to the point, “There’s something I wanted to do but it would be wrong to do it behind your back. That’s why I’ve come here.”. Oh wow! He worries so much about Stanley’s feelings but felt NOTHING when he got someone to ruin my life! “I need you to tell Sayfullah what I asked you to do that night.”, he instructed. What could Stanley possibly make up to save Zuhayr at this last minute? “You asked me to get proof.”, Stanley said. “What proof?”, I jumped in. “Proof of your smoking.”, he replied. “Tell Sayfullah what you told me before I asked you to do anything at all.”, Zuhayr looked at Stanley. “Well… I… uh… I told him you’re a heavy weed smoker.”, Stanley looked down, I almost believed he was ashamed. “You WHAT?! I hadn’t had a single puff of weed before that night!”, I was ready to get out of my car and bash him up before Zuhayr held my door closed. “Wait. Now tell him what I told you after the incident, when you came back with pictures.”, Zuhayr told Stanley. “You told me to delete everything after I confessed to you that he wasn’t actually a weed smoker and that I made him take a puff in order to get the proof.”, Stanley looked a little scared but Zuhayr just said, “Thanks Stan, you can go now. Give your mum my regards.”

“I still blame you! Why’d you ask for proof? Why didn’t you just ask me?!”, I yelled at Zuhayr, I was so disappointed. “Well…  Maybe I should explain a little more.”, he replied, gesturing for me to step out of the car. “I overheard the guys talking during their lunch break, and your name was mentioned. After asking a few questions, I guess Stanley got a little carried away and said you smoked weed together. I didn’t buy it, so I  asked for proof. If he wasn’t going to come back with anything, I would’ve set him straight and cleared your name.”, Zuhayr said. At this point I really felt lousy for blaming him. “I won’t lie, for a while I thought of using the proof as assurance that you wouldn’t blab to anyone about the baby… and that… you know… that I’m not the biological father. I didn’t feel very safe knowing that you also knew about it.”, he admitted.

Scratch everything I just said, I blame him again!

“Why would you need proof to blackmail me with? I gave you my word, I gave Maami and Aneesa my word too. I haven’t even told my own mother!”, I was hurt that he’d think I’d betray their trust like that. “I know, I guess it was a moment of weakness. Knowing that both you and Ahmed were friends before, I was insecure. Make me maaf bro. I made Stanley delete the pictures even before he showed them to me. I reminded myself to leave it to Allah to protect my family.”, Zuhayr looked down and apologised again. “WHY’D YOU DO THAT?!”, I yelled, pulling my hair. Zuhayr just stood there, shocked and confused. “Now i’ll never know what happened that night!”, i shook my head in disappointment. “I don’t understand. You WANTED the pictures?”, Zuhayr asked, still confused. “Yes! I told you I’m trying to find out what happened that night.”, I said, getting back in my car. As I sped off, he yelled, “Then I’ll see what I can find out.”

All I could think about was going to Maami’s house and telling  Asghar everything! But as I pulled up in the driveway, something inside me kept telling me that it would just prove that I’m really not trustworthy at all and that Zuhayr’s insecurities have good reason. I took a deep breath in, then let it out. I felt a knot in my stomach. To be honest, it wasn’t because of Zuhayr. I was disappointed that I still had so many questions but no way to find answers. The thought of how many unknown grave sins I commited that night sent shivers  up my spine. “Sayf! Eyh come inside bra! It’s cold!”, Asghar said in a deep voice, peeping from the door. I looked down and saw his socks with sandals combination and burst out laughing. “What now? I dress up sexy for you and this is the thanks i get? YOU will sleep on the couch tonight.”, Asghar joked. “Azoo! Did you see my sandals?”, Maimoonah asked, searching for it everywhere. She even looked in the oven. Can you believe this woman! Who looks for sandals in an oven?! “No love!”, Asghar said, walking innocently to the room while I followed. “Those were my mother’s sandals! It must be that maid! She’s always eyeing my things!”, Maimoonah mumbled out loud to herself. “Bra, you got good taste in shoes. Your father-in-law will even go crazy for you.”, I said to Asghar. “Isn’t? It’s fabulous ne?”, he said, jokingly teasing his mother-in-laws accent. “If I get your sandals back, you owe me a date!”, Asghar said from the room. Maimoonah came to the door and stood with her hands on her hips when she realised Asghar had it all along. He smiled and said, “I found it!”. I sat like one chameleon, blending in the background coz I was not prepared for what would happen next. “YOU are wearing MY mother’s sandals? and all this time I’m blaming the poor maid! What has she ever done to you that you had to make me blame her? Give here!”, she pulled the sandals in frustration and anger. This was it Sadeekun…

*PAAAH!* -She gave him with that same sandal! “Don’t you EVER.. *pah!* … stretch *pah!* my mother’s sandals *pah! pah!* EVER again!”, she scolded. I sat VERY still, and VERY quietly, hoping and praying not to get shot in a misfire.

Atleast, that’s what I wanted to happen. Imagine Asghar’s face everytime I pick on the time his wife and mother-in-law’s sandal gave him the whacking of his life! Waaaah! That would’ve been something!

But anyway, she ACTUALLY just pulled back the sandals then gave him a stern look. “Here!”, she held out her hand. “Here’s your date. Thanks for ‘finding’ it for me.”, she said, giggling when Asghar looked down and saw a kajoor. I heard more giggling coming from the passageway but couldn’t see anyone standing there. Maimoonah gave Asghar a peck on the cheek, then said “Naseerah lets leave these boys to their game.” “Aah no babe, it’s fine, you’ll can stay how.”, Asghar said, while banging the buttons on his remote control. “Alright.”, Maimoonah invited Naseerah in. They sat on the bed behind us, looking at magazines and trying to plan something. From what I gathered, they were planning a fun day for disabled and orphan kids from different parts of Durban. I kept my mouth shut even though I was itching to give them a few ideas. I didn’t want them to think I was eavesdropping… even though I kinda was. Or was I not? I wasn’t really trying to hear what they were saying, they were just speaking loudly and I overheard… I think.

Anyway, after a while, Mamoo called for Asghar to discuss something that happened at work. It sounded serious, so I stayed put. I didn’t want to intrude. The girls carried on like I wasn’t even there. Not too long after that, Asghar called for Maimoonah and she left the room in a hurry, leaving Naseerah behind. It was a little awkward. I couldn’t carry on the game coz it was a 2 player game and Asghar would’ve had a fit if I was “a coward” and killed his last man without him even being at the controls. He wouldn’t have spoken to me for the rest of the night, he’s not a sore loser but he HATES being defeated by a cheat.

I eventually turned around and greeted. She blushed and greeted back. “Soooo… Whatcha guys planning?”, I asked, geturing towards the torn pages and sticky notes all over the bed. “Well, I love working with children. I used to work at a hospital but later found out that I couldn’t stand blood, so I left. But the time I spent with children was amazing! So i’ve asked my dad to allow me to host this fun day next weekend for the kids. He only said yes because it would advertise his company but hey, who’s complaining.”, she said. I could see from her body language that it bugged her that her father wasn’t interested in her idea in the way she expected  him to. “Why don’t you maybe get other people to sponsor the fun day? You could make colouring kits to give them to take home and get the stationary shops to sponsor it.”, I suggested, her eyes lit up. By the time Asghar and Maimoonah got back, we had already discussed three or four of my ideas in detail. Before we left the room, she leaned forward and squeezed my hand, thanking me for being the only person other than Maimoonah to take her seriously. I smiled an awkward it’s-ok smile and waited for her to move her hand. Guilt filled inside me, I felt like I was in a way cheating on Nusaybah and cheating on Islam too. I shouldn’t have even stayed in that damn room. I should’ve just left.

On my way home I kept telling myself that I needed to tell Nusaybah about Naseerah and explain to her my plan to get rid of her without her telling everyone about Nusaybah. I felt terrible, deep down I knew Naseerah is maybe getting the wrong message from me, but on the other hand she’s probably smart enough not assume anything until I actually tell her something straight out.

When I got back to the hotel, Zaid was busy making a late night snack. “Aweh! You home! I was starting to get worried”, he bobbed his head at me. “I hope you weren’t loafing at Maghrib time. You know why hmm…”, Zaid said, finishing up making his sandwich. lol I told you he’s the cautious one, always worried about everyone and making sure everyone is out of danger. “Yes mum, don’t worry I was indoors.”, I teased. He rubbed his head, smiled and apologised. He told me how his sister-in-law would always do that and that now it has rubbed off on him. He went on to say he is going to let her remarry so that she can move on with her life and have someone to support her coz if something were to happen to him, there wouldn’t be anyone left to take care of her. “Maybe you could get hitched after that huh. What you say?”, I joked, trying to lighten the seriousness of our conversation.

I went to bed with so many questions running around in my head. I wondered if Nusaybah was ok, if she’d understand what I’m doing if I told her about Naseerah, wheather she’d forgive me or not when I tell her about my night of horror -IF I ever find out about it myself. I feel like i’m stuck with dead ends. Now all I can hope for is a phonecall or message or something at least from Nusaybah, and maybe some answers from Zuhayr. Make dua for me Sadeekun, I need all I can get!


>>>Sorry for LatE eNtry… WilL soon Be EdItinG and ChanGing thE wholE of sEason onE… plEase BarE with Us.

NB: Dating  in Islam is haraam and in no way does this post promote it whatsoever.

“O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.” (Qur’an 49:12)

PS: Stop blaming the domestic workers whenever you haven’t looked hard enough for the thing you have lost. If you were always accused of stealing st your work place, how would you feel?

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “He who sees something which should be kept hidden and conceals it will be like one who has brought to life a girl buried alive (a pre-Islamic practice). [Sunan of Abu-
Dawood, Hadith 2292]

The Prophet (SAW) said, “When the darkness of the night envelops–or it becomes nightfall–withhold your children (from going outside). Verily, the jinn spread out at this time.
Then, when part of the night has
passed, let them go outside. And lock the doors whilst mentioning Allah’s name. Verily, the devil cannot open a locked door.” [Bukhari]

Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab , Messenger of Allaah {Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam} said: “Whenever a man is alone
with a woman shaytan makes a third . ” [Al-Tirmidhi 3118]

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu
’alayhi wa sallam) cursed a man who puts on the dress of women, and a woman who puts on the dress of men. [Abu Dawud]

WatCh tHis SpacE fOr MorE



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