{A CIIYF Production}

Author’s note: Maaf for the late post… Had to wait till new data kicked in so I could post… ❤️❤️❤️

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

This was no ordinary lady… 
She was a Sangoma and I realised right then that I had just been caught in the middle of a ritual they were performing. 

“Ya Allah! YA ALLAH!” I screamed, TRYING TO GET AWAY! 

My fear soon turned to anger and I pulled my hand with force, nearly toppling the old woman. “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!” I yelled. If you think the fire was blazing, you should’ve seen me. I was ready to brunt these people to the po-po like yesterday. 

Sam finally caught up to where I was and his air pipes were squeezed tighter than a jeans on a girls BE-hind! He could hardly breathe, leave alone start explaining. My mind was scrambled Sadeekun. Do I call the cops? Wait for an explanation? A demon possession? Maybe a death certificate while they at it?

While the clock was ticking, the flames grew bigger. If I stood around any longer I would’ve been cremated. My first logical thought was to get in the car and get away. I turned to leave but I felt a force holding me back. “WHAT THE?!” I tried pulling my legs forward but it wouldn’t budge. “FLIP FLIP FLIP!! No no no! Please no! This isn’t happening!” I couldn’t move. I was trapped in my own body! 

“Sir… Please jhust lee-sin to me.  I don’t want to hert you. You a good guy. Please jhust lee-sin.” Sam said. “Listen?! What the hell?! Sam please… Just let me go! Please Sam. I have a family.” I pleaded. I pictured Umi at my janazah and the reality of possibly not ever getting to hear her voice again hit me like a titanic hitting ice. 

“I also had a family! You not go-ween anywhere until you lee-sin.” he ordered. “OK but please, put the fire out first.” I pleaded again. “I cannot do that. ” he said. “Why not? Look at it! The wind is picking up and soon this fire will start spreading!” I yelled in frustration. 

Sam looked at the old lady and then back at me. He ordered her in their language to put out the fire while he ordered me to start walking as he followed. 

“This way.” he pointed to a bush at the end of the site.”Here? Really? Can’t you find a more dignified place to throw my body? I mean look at this… Some green grass would be nice.” I said sarcastically. At this point fear was long gone. 

“Don’t be clever. Go!” he pushed me through the bush. We came out on the other side and I was shocked to see a whole village down there. I always thought it was just a forest of trees beyond the site.  

Sam led me to a traditionally dressed man who didn’t look very old at all. After conversing amongst themselves in a language I couldn’t understand to save my life… Literally… The man finally spoke to me. 

“I apologise for the way you had been treated, but we could not risk you exposing us.” he said in VERY good English accent. “Thank you. But if you could let me go…” I began to say before he held his hand up to silence me. 

“I don’t know if you know the story behind this factory. A long long time ago, that land used to be a burial ground for my ancestors before it was snatched from our local villagers.” he told me. My eyes widened… These things only happen in movies. “So now you’re going to tell me ‘Welcome to jumanji’ right?”, I chuckled sarcastically. Judging from their silence, I took it that they didn’t care for my humour, and this crap just got serious. 

He continued, “They took the land from us to build on it. We pleaded for them not to do so because our dead had been buried there for many centuries. When new government took over, we weren’t given back our land because they said we didn’t have documentation to prove that the land was ours.”

“Fine but then burning down the place everytime something is built there, isn’t going to get you back the land.” I told him. 

“We weren’t burning it down. We didn’t even burn it down the last time. But our elders have put a curse on it. Whoever tries to build anything on that land would have a horrible end.” He said. I just stood there in shock. I realised that i signed my death certificate the night I signed up for the job. “So if you’ll weren’t trying to burn anything down, why did you’ll start a fire up there now?” I wanted to know. “We wanted to calm the spirits.” the chief told me. 

I knew we as muslims didn’t believe in all that, but I couldn’t mock them either. At the same time, I also knew that we weren’t allowed to mess with the unseen, even though we know that the jinn exist. 

(O Muhammad!) Follow the revelation which has come to you from your Lord, other than Whom there is no god, and turn away from those who associate others with Allah in His divinity. (Qur’an 6:106)

Had Allah so willed they would not have associated others with Him in His divinity; and We have not appointed you a watcher over them, and you are not their guardian. (Qur’an 6:107)

Do not revile those whom they invoke other than Allah, because they will revile Allah in ignorance out of spite. For We have indeed made the deeds of every people seem fair to them. Tlen, their return is to their Lord and He will inform them of what they have done. (Qur’an 6:108)

“We can fix this.” I bravely said, knowing that I wasn’t going to go through with this project any longer. Nabi (SAW) forbade us from sitting or building on graves. I wasn’t going to be responsible for the consequences in the hereafter for doing something that is clearly impermissible in Islam. 

I looked at him sincerely and said, “Let me go. I won’t call anyone. I know uncle Ismail personally. Let me talk to him. He probably doesn’t even know about all this. I give you my word. Just… Please…Trust me.” 

The chief didn’t look too convinced. He turned to his people who didn’t look too convinced either. One of them kept waving ropes around. From his gestures, I could tell he probably wanted to keep me as his pet. I mean, imagine what it would do for his social life. Normal guys use dogs or babies as chick magnets, but imagine the possibilities when he pulls out an exotic brown guy instead!

“Thank you.” he finally told me. I closed my eyes in relief. Alhumdulilah I whispered under my breathe. Just as I turned to leave, I felt my hands being pulled behind my back and tied. “Wait! What are you doing?! I told you I give you my word! Please!!” I yelled in frustration while trying to get loose. 

“I’m sorry… We can’t trust that you will not expose us, nor can we be certain that you will help us instead of run away like all the other cowards.” the chief told me. With that, they took me hostage. 


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A big Jazak-Allah for all those liking and commenting. It helps as an indication as to whether or not you’ll are enjoying the story, so I know how to improve your reading experience. I’m truly grateful for each and every reader… Stay blessed. ❤️❤️❤️

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{A CIIYF Production}

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

Almost the whole week had gone by. I realised that I hadn’t spoken to Umi yet with my hectic schedule, so I decided to call her. She answered cheerfully, as she always does. In fact, she sounded more cheerful than usual, which made me wonder if all the things Apa was saying was just out of spite or if Umi was just good at hiding things from me. I thought I’d do some digging… 

“What’s up Umzoh?” I teased. She hates when I call her that. 

“I’m just sorting some clothes.” 

“Ah Umi… Is Abbu boring you so much that sorting clothes excites you? Romance shomance kidhar hein?” {Where’s the Romance?} 

“Muhn band Kar!”  {Close your mouth!} 

I burst out in laughter. I could just picture my sweet Umi’s cheeks turn 3 shades red. 

“Sharam nahi aati?” {Aren’t you ashamed?} 

“I’m JOKING Umi. But anyway… I know Abbu is getting old… But you know old is gold huh?” I raised my eyebrows suggestively as if she could see me. 

“Sayfullah!” Umi yelled through the phone, almost deafening me. 

“JOOOKKKKE Umi… Joke. Lucky I’m not there. You’ll be throwing that whole basket of clothes at me.”

“Awh my son… No. To be honest I miss this. I miss you. This house is so quiet without you and your sister.” 

“I miss you too Umi. I know I was planning to come home to visit, but you know with this new job…” 

“I understand beta… You can’t take leave until the project is over.”

“Jee… But I’ll make it up to you’ll. I promise.”

“Speaking of making it up… Have you spoken to your sister?”

“Not really… But I messaged her.” 

“We spoke two days ago… She was really heart broken. I don’t know what went on between you two, but I didn’t like hearing her cry.”

“I know… I didn’t mean to be rude to her. She was just nagging too much about Naseerah Umi.” 

“She cares for you.” 

“I know.”

My conversation with Umi was cut short because just then, I received an incoming call from Uncle Ahmed. 

“Laatie, I need a favor. I just got home now and I can’t remember if I locked the office door. All the operating machine keys as well as construction plans are in there. Since you live close by, please check and let me know. I don’t know how I slipped up.”

“No problem. I’m leaving now. The last thing we need is a theft. Don’t stress, I’ll call you when I’m there.” 

After a long day at work, the last thing I wanted to do was go back there, but my life is such that if anyone else slips up, I am screwed. So I grabbed some clothes and got my keys and left. 

What happened next, I never imagined would happen even in my wildest dreams.

The sky had just turned that last shade of blue where you can see, but just barely. I pulled into the lot where we park our cars and jumped off quickly. I was the only one there and boy was I skrik! 

You know that hop like sprint you do from the kitchen light switch, throughout the house when you’re alone at night until you reach your bed, as if a jinn is chasing you? Picture me doing that across the parking lot in socks and sandals. Don’t laugh! You’d be skrik too if you saw how pitch dark it gets here without lights on site.

A knot formed in my stomach as I reached out to shake the office door handle. My heart was beating out of my chest the moment the door opened. “No no no!” I shrieked with terror. I couldn’t help but to imagine the worst. I’ve been watching homicide investigation series lately and it’s starting to get to me.

I pulled out my phone and used it as a torch. If I could, I would’ve left one foot at the door so I could be ready to run for my life if someone popped up from under the table with a baseball bat to kill me. I reached for the drawer that had all the keys in them. It was locked and the plans looked to be in place. 

“Alhumdulilah!” I sighed in relief as I ran out slamming the door shut and locking it. As I turned around to go back to my car I got the shock of my life! 

“SAM! What the hell are you doing here?!” I screamed in almost a girls pitch tone of voice. Almost…  I said A-L-M-O-S-T. 

“Oh Mr. Sayfullah sir… I-i uh whas kha-min to hask you da sem thing sir. Any problem here?” he said in an accent. 

“No no… I just needed to check on something. Why are you here so late? Shouldn’t you have been home by now? ” I asked him, walking back to my car. Although Sam was an old man who couldn’t fight to save our lives, I felt braver knowing I wasn’t alone. 

“N-Nah-thing sir. I’m going jest now.” he said, looking rather suspicious. Something just wasn’t right. I don’t know why, but there’s something about Sam that makes me feel uneasy ever since the first day I met him.

“Sure Sam?” I tried to read him. He was hiding something… I just didn’t know what. 

“Yes.. Bye sir” 

As I jumped into my car, I noticed a flame in the distance. “What the?” I thought I was seeing things but the sky darkened and the flame burnt brighter. “I knew it!” I yelled to myself as the anger of Sam lying to me took over. 

My car came to a screeching hault when I drifted around the building and reached the place where the fire had been burning. I looked around to see what I could use to put it out but the surroundings were nothing but concrete and old wood. A huge fire stood in front of me, obviously fueled by the wood we’ve been working all week to get out of the factory.  “Think think think Sayf!” I panicked. 

As I reached in my pocket to get my phone, someone grabbed my hand in a firm grip. I looked up and went cold and numb as I felt my breathe be sucked out of me.  In front of me stood an African lady. She looked into my eyes and all I saw were the white clouds that covered hers. She looked possessed. Her dreadlocks were covered in beads and she had a stick in her hand that had feathers coming out the end. There were bones hanging from a string around her neck. 

This was no ordinary lady… 
She was a Sangoma and I realised right then that I had just been caught in the middle of a ritual they were performing. 

“Ya Allah! YA ALLAH!” was all I could scream TRYING TO GET AWAY! 

And when a messenger from Allah came to them confirming that which was with them, a party of those who had been given the Scripture threw the Scripture of Allah behind their backs as if they did not know [what it contained]. (Quran 2:101)

And they followed [instead] what the devils had recited during the reign of Solomon. It was not Solomon who disbelieved, but the devils disbelieved, teaching people magic and that which was revealed to the two angels at Babylon, Harut and Marut. But the two angels do not teach anyone unless they say, “We are a trial, so do not disbelieve [by practicing magic].” And [yet] they learn from them that by which they cause separation between a man and his wife. But they do not harm anyone through it except by permission of Allah . And the people learn what harms them and does not benefit them. But the Children of Israel certainly knew that whoever purchased the magic would not have in the Hereafter any share. And wretched is that for which they sold themselves, if they only knew. (Quran 2:102)

[To Be Continued] 


>>> Sorcery and black magic is something that a lot of us either take too lightly or too seriously. Know that it is real and keep yourself protected using Surah Naas, Surah Falaq and Ayatul Kursi. 

Keep safe my wonderful readers… 

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{A CIIYF Production}

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

It’s been a week since I’ve started working on site, and I have this feeling like something is just not right. 

Aside from that, as if work wasn’t stressful enough, Apa has been behaving more and more dramatic, not to mention childish. 

I wake up one morning to this being on her whatsapp status:

They say when you have a problem, it’s better to talk about it rather than bottle it up, but women make their own rules. When THEY have a problem, they think POSTING about it is the same as talking about it. Well it’s not! It just makes things worse and frankly, most of the time we don’t give a crap anyway. It just pushes us away even more.

After getting out of bed and relaxing for over an hour, I decided it was time to get going. With Zaid no longer being my roommate, I came to the grim reality that noodles, plain rice or eggs will now be my new staple diet until I get married. 

I decided to take Uthmaan up on his invitation and went upstairs to visit. I knocked at the door and waited for someone to open. While I waited I couldn’t help but notice the crazy view from his floor. My legs went like jelly just looking down. 

“Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatulahi Wa Barakaatu my brother. How are you man?” Uthmaan said, placing his hand on my shoulder from the back. 

“Wa alaikum salaam, I’m doing OK Alhumdulilah. I thought I’d come visit for a little bit.” I told him. 

“Come come.” he said, gesturing for me to follow him into his place. 

Sadeekun his place was immaculate! The funny thing is, you’d expect more to be in there, given that his house is the size of the entire floor. As a matter of fact, they didn’t even have a dining room table. Uthmaan said he got rid of it in order to get the kids used to practicing the Sunnah of sitting on the floor and eating. It was quite impressive if I must say so myself. 

Uthmaan walked me over to the lounge area. “So is this your man cave then?” I teased, pointing at all the white doilies thrown over almost everything. He chuckled, “Nah man. But whenever I have anyone over, we only relax here. It’s the best place in the house for many reasons. ” “Yeah? And what’s that?”, I asked curiously.  “For one, it’s connected to the balcony and guests usually enjoy the view. Plus this room is more closed, so the kids and my wife have the rest of the house without worrying about anyone seeing them if they didn’t know we had guests over. Then there’s the guest bathroom connected right through here, so there’s no reason for anyone to go roaming. Lastly… There’s a small fridge here, so my wife can relax while I see to whoever I have over… So basically… It’s most convenient.”

Uthmaan seated me while he went to get some refreshments from his small hidden fridge. Although all of that was impressive, what impressed me the most was his consideration for his wife and family first, rather than being a typical husband and feeling entitled, expecting his wife to parade in front of us in order to wait on us. Of course she would’ve had her niqaab on, but I admire the fact that he put her comfort first. This is her home, she shouldn’t need to be uncomfortable in her own home.

“So how’s things bhai? How’s the new job?” Uthmaan asked, handing me a glass of cold orange juice. 

“Eyh bra, I don’t know.” 

“Why? What’s the problem?” 

“See the thing is, I’m doing all this because I want to get permission from my ‘boss’ for his daughter’s hand in marriage.” 

“Oh hoh hoh. Wah Wah.” Uthmaan said in a proper Pakistani accent just to tease me. 

I chuckled, “No man… I’m serious. He says if I can’t handle this, then how will I handle marriage.”

“But see here bhai… You’re happy with this girl as your choice? And she’s happy with you as her choice? And you’ll want to get married?” 

“Yeah of course… I wouldn’t be going through all this crap if I didn’t.” 

“Then what’s the problem? Make Nikah and finish.”

“You say it like it’s so easy bra.” 

“What’s so hard yaar? It’s simple…”

“Her father wants to make sure I’m financially able to support her. Because he can give her anything she wants, he wants that I should be able to as well.” 

“Allahu Akbar! Do you know what Allah says to that? 

Wa ankihul ayaamaa minkum was saaliheena min ‘ibaadikum wa imaa’kum; iny-yakoonoo fuqaraaa’a yughni himul laahu min fadlih; wal laahu Waasi’un ‘Aleem

“Marry the single people from among you and the righteous slaves and slave girls. If you are poor, Allah (SWT) will make you rich through His favour; and Allah (SWT) is Bountiful, All-knowing.” (Surah 24, Verse 32) 

My brother, in this verse, Allah (SWT) commands us to marry the single, righteous man/woman from among us. On top of that, Allah gives us a GUARANTEE that if we are poor or lack the proper funds, still we should not delay the marriage as Allah Himself will take care of the people and grant them bounties from His grace and Mercy. What more can any parent ask for their child?”

“Subhan-Allah… That’s amazing man. But try telling that to her father. He thinks I’m incapable of giving her what he can give her.”

“So he wants you to have wealth over night while he took years to gain the wealth he has today? If he feels you are incapable, then no problem. Nothing is stopping him from continuing to support his daughter AFTER the nikkah. If he loves her and is concerned for her stability, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Yeah but, if she is in my house, he expects me to do it. Plus, I want to be able to support her on my own.” 

“Fine. Make nikkah and she can remain in her father’s house until you’re ready to bring her home. Make it halal yaar… This is not good. In fact, it’s actually a BIG sin. See here… Let me send you something. Perhaps send it to him as a kind suggestion.” 

After watching the video, I realised what Uthmaan was saying. Mufti Menk just has a way of putting things in such a way that you see how uncomplicated and simple life actually can be. 

“Thanks bra. You know, my sister has been driving me insane. Nagging me about how wrong what I’m doing is. I know she’s doing it with good intention, but it was pushing me more into an ‘I-don’t-care-anymore’ frame of mind. But when you put it this way, instead of all the nagging… It makes me WANT to listen and follow through. You know what I mean?”

“Don’t be too hard on her. We all have that bad habit of not listening to the ones who are closest to us, even though they are the ones that worry about our well being more than we ourselves do. The same advice can be given to us by someone else and we think the world of it.”

“Hmmm… I think I need to give her a call later.”

“Yes you should. In fact, grab the house phone over there and phone now. Don’t prolong it because shaitaan will only use it to his advantage. Call her. I will be right back In-shaa-Allah. Let me just go check on the kids. Take your time, just make sure you clear the air with your sister.” 

I was stunned Sadeekun. I instantly regretted losing all these years with Uthmaan. He truly is a good friend. I picked up my glass of juice then remembered a dua we learnt in Madressah. 

Dua for the host who offers you a drink:

Allaahumma ‘at’im man ‘at’amanee wasqi man saqaanee.

O Allah, feed the one who has fed me and give drink to the one who has given me drink. 

When I punched in Apa’s number and waited for it to ring, it kept going straight to voicemail. I assumed her battery was dead, so I Whatsapped her instead. 

Me: I’m trying to call you but it’s going straight to voicemail. 
Me: I just wanted to apologize for all the crap I said. I was just under a lot of stress and I didn’t know what to do. So I took it out on you. I didn’t mean it. 
Me: I hope you can forgive me.💐 
Me: I’m going to try and make things better.
Me: I promise.❤️

Just as I put my phone down, Uthmaan came back with a platter full of samoosas and pies. 

“Here bhai… Have.” he said, putting the whole platter in front of me. 

“YOH BRAH! I could feed everyone at my walima with this! So much?!” 

“Don’t worry… Enjoy yaar! First time you came to my house, let me spoil you a little bit.” 

I smiled, taking the saucer he was handing me.

“So have you’ll started with the construction work as yet?” Uthmaan asked while grabbing a saucer for himself. 

“Not as yet. We connected some temporary lighting in the factory so we could start moving things out of the building, but when we got to work the next day, the wires had been cut. I’m just hoping that it’s not sabotage.”

“Sabotage? Why would anyone want to do that? Everyone’s jobs would be at stake.”

“Well I wouldn’t put it pass Naseerah’s father. He would do anything to nail me for something.”

“No man. I’m sure he wouldn’t throw away all the money he is investing, just to prove a point to you. He is a business man after all.” 

“Yeah you’re right. It’s just that all these small things are adding up to big delays. The other day 5 workers quit right on the spot just because they say they hear noises and sometimes they feel ‘wind touching them’. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m on a 8 month time limit. I just don’t know if we can do it all in time at the rate we’re going at.”

“Wind touching them?” 

“Yeah man. It’s ridiculous. It’s a HUGE and very old factory. You can expect to feel gushes of wind because some of the windows are broken. And the noise they hear is probably the howling of the wind or the echo of the others talking.”

“Just to be safe though, you should read Surah Bakarah in there. You know how bad jinns like living in dirty abandoned places. But READ it huh, don’t play it from your phone like all these youngsters nowadays. They think its the same thing but it’s not.”

“Hmm… I’ll do that. Thanks man.”

Uthmaan and I chatted a bit more and he told me about how a lot of people blame the jinn for ridiculous things but on the other hand, some people don’t take it seriously enough. 

“You need to have a balanced mind and take precautions. Read Ayatul Kursi daily, Read Surah Bakarah when you’re moving into a new place. Constantly invoke Allah’s Protection and guidance with Surah Falaq and Surah Naas. And NEVER ever try to poke around in what’s unseen. If Allah wanted us to be able to communicate with them, he would’ve let us see them. The kids these days don’t realise what they get themselves into when they play these demonic games with their friends ‘just to see what happens’. The result? Suicide after suicide. May Allah protect us and our children.”

It was scary to think about… But he was right. There are 3 types of ways people take it. 

  1. Fear it and blame it for all the bad in their lives, even if it be them having a bad day at work. 
  2. Ignore it totally and pretend it doesn’t exist, no matter how severe the case. Some even going to the extreme and treating it like a joke, taking part in rituals with the intention of proving others wrong about it. Only to result in them harming themselves in the process. 
  3. Believe they exist but avoid making contact with them by protecting themselves with Allah’s name. 

After speaking for a little bit more, I decided it was time to leave. I didn’t want to stay too long because I’m sure Uthmaan, had chores and errands he did earlier in the week so that he could look forward to going out with his family in the weekend. 

Before leaving I made one last dua. 

Dua for your host:

Allaahumma baarik lahum feemaa razaqtahum, waghfir lahum warhamhum.

O Allah, bless them in what You have provided for them, and forgive them and have mercy on them.

I really had such a great time with Uthmaan. I can’t wait for him to visit my place next so I can give him a good time too. I’m glad Allah decided to cross our paths again. 


>>> Don’t forget to Like Us On Facebook and Follow Us On Instagram

I had a little bit of writers block on this episode, but once I did some brainstorming with a friend, ideas started flowing and I managed to make a full episode. Please do send through your suggestions on what you’d like to see happen next… I get just as excited writing an episode as you feel reading it. Ideas are always welcome. 

Stay tuned for more <<<

NOTICE: Catch Up On Past Seasons

Authors Note: Just want to send a shout out to AK for parts of yesterday’s episode. In the rush of posting, I forgot to give credit. Also… 

A BIG Jazak-Allah for all the love I’ve been getting in the likes, comments and inboxes from you readers across the tdoas social media platforms. It’s just so amazing… I’m truly touched. 

For those of you who aren’t following TDOAS on Instagram or Facebook get following and liking ASAP to join in on future competitions. TDOAS is coming back bigger and better in-shaa-Allah.

My life literally is lived by the second. Just as the plot of the story is unpredictable until the actual moment I’m typing, my life is so unpredictable until I’m actually doing the next task. But my goal is to post every 2nd or 3rd day. But here’s some links to previous seasons to keep you’ll busy in the mean time… 

Here are the exact links to all the seasons for those of you who have missed out on any seasons.

Season 1 – Nusaybah


Season 1 – Sayfullah


Season 2 – Nusaybah


Season 2 – Sayfullah


Season 3 – Nusaybah


Season 3 – Sayfullah


Season 4 – Nusaybah


Season 4 – Sayfullah


Season 5 – Nusaybah


Season 5 – Sayfullah



{A CIIYF Production}

Habibi Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

Just as I completed my surah Yaseen for the morning, a tradition I decided to begin after my meeting with Uthmaan the other day, I heard my phone ring. “A call? At this time? Well this can’t be good”, I thought to myself as I quickly put my Quran down, ensuring that it was on its right side up.

Meeting with Uthmaan the other day brought back a lot of madressah memories, but one thing that has always stayed fresh in my memory was the advice I got from moulana on my very first day about keeping my Quran correctly.

“We don’t wear our clothes upside-down, but we put our Qur’ans upside-down. We have so much respect for things of this dunya, I’m not saying wear your clothes upside-down, but why can’t we respect the kalaam of Allah? The same quran that will one day, in-shaa-Allah, light up our Qabrs and intercede on our behalf in the court of Allah (SWT). If you respect the Quran and fulfill its rights over you, then, in-shaa-Allah, Allah (SWT) will embed the Quran in your hearts.”

Till today, whenever I see a Quran on the wrong side or upside down, it bothers me and I will not rest until and unless it is placed correctly. I’m not a perfect person, but how Merciful is our Rabb, who rewards us immensely for even the smallest of good deeds.

When I picked up my phone I saw that it was Apa. I sighed out loud… contemplating in my head on whether or not I should answer it. I just knew what she was going to tell me. After the, ‘slms, how are you, how’s everything’ formalities, she got right down to business… No like… Actual business.

“What’s this Umi tells me about you quitting your job to work for your girlfriend’s father?”, she asked bluntly.

“Relax Apa… I know what I’m doing.”, I tried to assure her.

“Is that so? So when will you be moving in then?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“I see… So you DON’T know what you’re doing then. You basically just signed your life over to him because you’re NEVER going to hear the end of how he got you to wherever you are in 10 years from now. I hope you know that you’re going to live in his house for the rest of your life while your parents grow old and helpless by themselves in their own house, always wondering where they went wrong in your upbringing.”, she ranted.

“OH MY WORD! Just relax! You’re just being over dramatic now. Stop watching and behaving like all those characters in those Indian soapies of yours eyh… ” “Indian soapies?… INDIAN SOAPIES???”

I shut my eyes and bit my lip, instantly regretting that I had just pushed the wrong button.

“You know what… I only advise you because I HATE seeing you throw your life away over a stupid girl! You say she makes you a better person but all I’ve seen ever since you met her was how disrespectful you’ve become, and how your parents and family have been meaning less and less to you as the days go by. I’m getting tired of it Sayfullah. You think we don’t know how you sit in her house and go loafing with her everywhere?”

“We don’t do anything wrong! Her family is always there! They invite me to join them on their outings… What’s so wrong in that?”

“You honestly don’t see how that’s wrong Islamically and even morally? The worst mistake Umi ever made was to send you to Durban. You think you are very big now. Don’t need your family anymore because your girlfriend and her family are there to support you now huh? I’d like to see how far you go without Umi and Abbu’s blessings.”

“Funny thing is… The only person complaining is you. Every time I speak to Umi she doesn’t tell me any of what you’re telling me. She only ever makes GOOD duas for me. I don’t know why you’re blowing everything way out of proportion.”

“THAT’S BECAUSE SHE IS SO SCARED OF LOSING YOU! Both Umi and Abbu know that if they go against anything you say, you will turn on them… Just as you are doing to me right now. So they just sit quietly, and silently pray that you come right and come back to them. I know all this because I’M the one that Umi calls and cries to after you’re done on a call with her. The worst part is, no matter how much I can tell her that she needs to accept it and move on, she makes a million excuses for you! She’s living in denial.”

At this point I was so mad Sadeekun…

“You know what… All you ever do is complain. Why can’t you just be happy for me and be supportive of my choices? I think it’s better you just worry about your own family if nothing I do is good enough for your standards. ”

“My OWN family? Secretly, I knew this day would come… But just like Umi, I lived in denial. Just because nobody ever spoke out loud about the fact that I’m adopted, didn’t mean that you fully accepted me as your sister. You’ve changed so much… And you’re the only one who doesn’t see it. Anyway… Take care. I wish you the best in your future endeavors. Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatulahi Wa Barakaatu.”

I couldn’t believe what just happened Sadeekun. I felt like I was just punched right in the gut. This whole thing just became something waaaay more than what it needed to be. Apa and I have never fought like this before. I know that the right thing to do would be to call back and apologize, but on the other hand, she needed time to think about why she is wrong. It’s easy for her to give lectures when she is happily married and has someone supporting her. She doesn’t realise that being a guy is different and much harder and it’s not just plain black and white.

As I got ready for work, I panicked when I couldn’t find the card uncle Ismail gave me for handling the project finances. “HOW could I lose it?!”, I yelled out loud as I frantically turned my flat upside down looking for it. I remember Abbu teaching us that whenever we’re looking for something that is lost, we should read Surah Waduha and continually read:

Antal haadi Antal haq laisal haadi illahu

(O Allah You are the Guide, You are the Truth – There is no Guide except Allah)

I kept reading it as I searched, believing whole heartedly that I would either find it, or remember what happened to it.

When I looked at the time, I realised that I couldn’t stay any longer because I’d be late for work. I couldn’t help but blame it on Apa’s curse of ‘wanting to see how far I could go without their blessings’. As I walked to my car, I felt like I was going to throw up. I kept hoping I would wake up any moment and realise this was all just a bad dream.

I didn’t know if I should phone uncle Ismail and tell him to put a stop on the card or just wait in case it turns up somewhere. On the one hand I risk looking like a fool and being fired, losing everything I have built for myself in Durban and on the other hand I have a slight chance of finding the card OR working the rest of my life to pay uncle Ismail back for any money that could possibly be stolen. I was about to give up hope when I uttered the dua for when a loss occurs:

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un

إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعون

“Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return”

Just as I sat in my car and dropped my house keys in my door panel, there it was… The glistening platinum bank card. Words can’t describe how relieved I was Sadeekun. “Alhumdulilah! Alhumdulilah! Alhumdulilah!”, I said as I put the card to my chest, instantly feeling a weight lift off my shoulders. Allah is truly the Greatest!

Hazrat Ata ibn Abu Rabah (may Allah be pleased with him) told of hearing that Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said, “If anyone recites Yaseen at the beginning of the day, his needs will be fulfilled.” (Darimee)

My relief was short lived because just as I was about to start my car, my phone rang again.


“Hi, may I speak to Mr Sayfullah?”


“Hi, my name is Chantel and I’m calling on behalf of Mr Moola, the construction site manager.”

“Aaah… go ahead.”

“Mr. Moola has asked me to call you and find out where you are, as he and the rest of the team are at the site waiting to discuss the plans”

“uhhhh right, please let him know that I’ll be there in the next 10 minutes.”

“OK. Thank you. Bye”

As I got nearer to the site I realised just how busy these next few months are going to be. There was about 9 or 10 trucks branded with logo’s of a variety of companies waiting to either offload their goods or fetch the rubble. Men in hard hats and overalls were running around trying to make sense of the situation. It was just one huge confusion. I looked around trying to spot someone who looked like a project manager but couldn’t see anyone sporting the look I’d imagined a project manager would have.

After walking around aimlessly for a few minutes I heard someone call out in the distance. “Aaah there you are! You must be Sayfullah , I am Ahmed Moola”, he said in a thick Indian accent. I turned around to see a big built man, wearing a hard hat and overalls, just like everyone else. He also had a dark tan from being outdoors for so many years, which made him look rather cheeky.

After exchanging greetings and pleasantries Uncle Ahmed, as he insisted I call him, instead of Mr Moola, took me for a tour of the entire building, or rather ruins! It looked as if we would have to break down most of the building and start again. I then followed him into his on-site office, which was just a metal container, where he laid down the plans for the next 8 months. It was basically nothing but hard work, more hard work and even more hard work!

Just as I was about to leave to get started on my loongg list of projects for the day, Uncle Ahmed called me back and handed me a clear packet containing blue and yellow overalls, a white hard hat, which as he pointed out, will keep me from turning as brown as he is, and some heavy workers boots which I was expected to wear to work from tomorrow.

“Really?”, I looked at him, questioning the seriousness of the matter. “Of course! I can’t believe you even had the guts to come here today dressed like that.”, he raised an eyebrow looking at me from head to toe. For some reason I felt as if I needed to defend myself, “I actually dressed for my part. You being a MANAGER , dressing in overalls? I don’t know man, I mean… I couldn’t even tell you apart.”

Uncle Ahmed stopped what he was doing and looked up at me, “Apart from what? The workers? If you are afraid to get down and dirty, don’t expect anyone else to. Sayfullah, remember that a true leader must lead by example and hard work never killed anybody!”

It was apparent by my facial expressions that I felt like a total idiot by now. I was doing a terrible job of making a good first impression.

“Don’t worry laaitie. I know you’re still young and there’s a lot you still need to learn. So after you get those urgent payments done, forget everything else, I’m starting you off with a brief health and safety course. All staff are required to attend it at the beginning of every project.”, uncle Ahmed said, handing me a health and safety booklet that had safety rules on the cover page.

This is definitely going to be an interesting, if not eye-opening 8 months and the best part is that at the end of it all I’ll be a better person financially, physically and even mentally, not to mention I’ll have an amazing wife to go home to every single day.


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Let me know what you guys think. I always love reading you’lls feedback.

Since Sayfullah’s diary is a few episodes behind Nusaybah’s, I’ll be posting Sayfullah’s entries until it’s caught up before alternating between the two diaries again in-shaa-Allah.

Stay tuned for more <<<

I’m Back Alhumdulilah!!

Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatulahi Wa Barakaatu my beautiful readers!

After giving it much thought and consideration, I’ve decided to start writing again, although I haven’t found a co-writer as yet.

In this past two years I’ve grown so much Alhumdulilah and seen so much more than just the straight cut story I had in mind before. And honestly, I’ve been having TDOAS fever for a while now. So I’ve decided to just continue doing what I’ve always loved doing and take up writing again. I was shocked to see that even after so long, there are still readers coming to this blog to view it and even comment. I’m really touched.

As you all know, I myself only have a brief outline of where the story is headed but feel just as you do when reading the blog as when I’m writing it since everything comes day by day. So please feel free to give you’lls ideas and thoughts on plot lines or issues you’ll would like me to address in future episodes.

I’d advise you’ll to just go over season 5 in the mean time since there aren’t many posts to catch up on. I really hope you’ll will be just as excited as I am in-shaa-Allah.

-Admin Ebi

TDOAS Blog Status 

Juggling work + family + this blog + other islamic pages has me in a spin. As you can see, I’m unable to keep up on this blog on my own. Until and unless I’m able to find another writer to help out, this blog has been put on hold.

PS: To the potential writer who had messaged me to contact them by email about being a co-writer… I’m not sure if you’ve received it, so please let me know. 

The more writers, the better… 

Any females wanting to be co-writers, please email sameehah786@gmail.com 

In-Sha-Allah this blog will be active again once all my ducks are in a row again. 

-Sister in islam / Admin Ebi 


{A CIIYF Production}

Author’s note: Please do read all the way to the bottom of this post…
PS: Jazak-Allah so much for all the feedback received on the previous post, it was HIGHLY appreciated! You readers are one of a kind! So BONUS post for you all today… Also, so sorry for the very long delay. Really can’t keep up on my own. Anyway… Enjoy!

Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

I woke up this morning feeling like I had a new purpose in life, a new reason to look forward to another day. I was entering a new phase of my life and for once I was actually excited and prepared for it. This past weekend feels like a dream and pinching myself doesn’t even help because it’s just so surreal. Can it be possible to fall so hard for someone in just two days over chat while just taking a compatibility ‘test’ together without ever seeing each other face to face? I guess maybe it is, because all I can think about is how perfectly suited for each other Riaz and I are.

Things were looking up… Mum was in a good mood and Dad was handling things well at work. As I sunk the herbal teabag into my cup of boiling water, I began over accessing and analyzing the situation. How was I going to tell Mum without throwing her off as soon as I opened my mouth? I needed a plan. While I waited for my tea to cool, I tugged on the string attached to my teabag and began concocting a… Lets call it a ‘SOLUTION’.

When Mum was done packing the lunch, I finally talked myself into putting on a brave face and going in. “Mum…”, I took a deep breath in and began. “Hmm…?”, Mum replied without even turning to look at me, as if she were distracted. “Uh…”, I tried to shake of the nervousness while I pulled out my phone to get ready to read out Riaz’s well scripted answers. I just knew that his amazing choice of words would win Mum over.

You know when you’re writing a letter, you start with addressing the letter to someone and then in the first paragraph you explain why you’re writing to them? Well… Before I even had a chance to even ATTEMPT my first paragraph, Mum already cut me off. “What should I cook today?”, she asked, standing in front of the fridge as if the answer would jump right out at her. “Well… I haven’t had Curry Kitchri in a long…”, my words sort of fell faint when i felt a presence behind me. It was Luqmaan, his eyes were bloodshot as if he had just smoked a pot of weed. He just stood there like a zombie, staring into nothingness. “Allah paak! What’s wrong son?”, Mum asked him, concern full on across her face. Luqmaan just stood there, his hands shaking like he had Parkinson’s. Mum pulled up a stool for him and seated him down, ordering me to get him some water.

Now I was concerned too. It was unlike Luqmaan to behave this way, especially since he goes around quoting Mufti Menk saying that the only weed a Muslim is allowed to participate in is Taj-weed. He normally practiced what he preached. He didn’t smell of anything though… I just couldn’t figure him out.

“LUQMAAN… Talk. What’s going on with you?”, Mum shook him a little. “I never imagined I could ever feel this way.”, He managed to say before the pools in his eyes burst and he broke down in tears. Mum was now more worried than ever. “Are you and Raeesa fighting again? What happened? Please don’t tell me you hit her… I didn’t raise you that way.”, Mum said. All of a sudden I went weak in my knees at the thought of Raeesa laying bashed up upstairs. I didn’t know if I should run to go and check on her or stay with Mum in case Luqmaan wanted to go on another bashing spree. The worst of thoughts entered my mind… What if he killed her? I couldn’t hear her but I didn’t see any blood either. He could’ve suffocated her with a pillow, or strangled her even. Luqmaan hasn’t been himself lately, perhaps he joined a gang or started drugs. That would explain it.

Woah! Hold on Nusaybah… You’re letting that discovery channel run away with you again.

I had to remind myself not to jump to any conclusions. After all, Allah Himself says in the Qur’an, “O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah ; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.” (Qura’an 49:12)

Luqmaan reached into his back pocket. This was it… This is the part where the psycho pulls his knife on the rest of the family so that there aren’t any witnesses. This was the part where I usually yell at the characters in the episode to run away because it was the obvious thing to do, but somehow I couldn’t bring my legs to move.

He pulled out a see-through packet with 4 marker-looking things inside and handed it to Mum. Mum’s eyes widened as she looked at him and then back down at the packet. “What is it?”, I asked curiously. “It’s uh… It’s…”, Luqmaan tried to explain but couldn’t string his words together while he wiped his face on his arm. “…pregnancy tests.”, Mum completed his sentence as she analyzed them through the packet. Tears began to fill her eyes, “My baby boy is going to be a Dad..”, she said, looking at Luqmaan with eyes I’ve never witnessed before. She held him close as if they were in their own world, but quickly snapped out of it when she realised that Raeesa was still upstairs.

I was overflowing with all sorts of different emotions:
Relief- That my brother wasn’t a psychopath killer after all…
Disappointment- That my limelight of telling mum MY happy news was ruined AND outshone.
Jealousy- Slightly… Just because Mum showed Luqmaan soooooooo much love even though he had been snappy with her for so long whereas she had only been scolding me lately for the most silliest of things.
Excitement- I was going to be an AUNTY!
Clarity- (Wait, is that even an emotion? Oh well… I’ll make it one and hashtag it ‘freedom of expression’) I finally understood why Raeesa was so… Not in the mood for the past month or so. Plus it explains why she and Luqmaan were on different wavelengths, fighting almost all the time. At one point, Raeesa even threatened to go back to her Mum’s house. If you saw how much they argued, you would’ve also thought the worst of my brother.

I went over and hugged Luqi. I was soooooo happy for him. “Crybaby.”, I teased him. “Tell anybody and I’ll tell them about that little accident you had last year.”, he said. “What accident?”, I raised an eyebrow. “Tell anybody… and you’ll find out.”, he grinned evilly. I learnt a long time ago that Luqmaan usually has nothing on me when he says that. That’s always been is technique of getting me to agree to his terms and conditions by making me overthink things and reconsider my options. Why I still fall for it? I guess I just don’t want to take the chance.

I finished my tea and ran upstairs to congratulate Raeesa, Mum and Dad before rushing off to school. Everything seemed to have been running smoothly, but then I got called into the office by the principle. Being a teacher instead of a student didn’t take any of the nervousness away, it’s just as scary.

I walked in there, overhearing a parent saying, “I knew there was going to be trouble from the moment I found out her name. Is this what Moslem people learn in their church? Dress all holy but do such filthy things! It’s disgusting!”. My heart started pounding immediately! How DARE SHE?! Apparently Robbie went home and told his parents that I was sharing intimate details of my personal life with the students and his mother came to lay a complaint. Two other Mums came to vouch for her as well. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! These kids are barely 7 years old! My blood was boiling. How could the parents just straight out believe something like that?! They just sat there across from me, giving me dirty looks. “I’m not going to sit here and try to convince you of my innocence. I’d like for you to call any of my students and ask them what types of questions Robbie frequently asks in class and what my response is. I’ll even sit in the next room so that these parents can’t accuse me of influencing the kids answers.”, I told the principle. He agreed and escorted me to the next room after calling the secretory to fetch 3 random children from my class.

I was so mad I could scream. Even though I know I didn’t do what I was being accused of doing, I felt so hurt that something like this was held to my name. News travels fast and this is bound to reach the ears of other parents. It made me feel dirty and like my life was scarred forever over something I didn’t do. All I could think about was how angry I was at Robbie, I was ready to kick him right out of my class the next time he opened his mouth. Somehow Riaz came to mind and I wondered what he would’ve done in this situation. It’s strange, but even in his absence he makes me want to be a better person. Immediately some hadith came to mind:

  • The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If a man gets angry and says, ‘I seek refuge with Allah,’ his anger will go away.” (Saheeh al-Jaami’ al-Sagheer, no. 695)
  • The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down.” (Musnad Ahmad, 5/152)

I felt myself calming down, and then… I remembered something. I asked the secretory to get a file from my drawer. “I would’ve got it myself but I need to be here in case I get called back in.”, I explained. She was such a doll, she went and got it without even thinking twice or giving me an excuse.

When I was called back in, one of the mother’s said, “Clearly she’s been brainwashing these children. At least our sons had the courage to step forward and expose her”. I bit down on my teeth and kept my mouth shut while waiting for the principle to talk: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, al-Musnad, 1/329).

The principle had the kids repeat to me what they had told the parents. I thank Allah that these children were truthful. They told them what inappropriate questions Robbie asks and how I punish him by making him clean the tables. The principle excused the children from the office so that the grown ups could talk.

“Sir, I’d like you to look at this…”, I said, handing him a page from my file, “This picture was drawn by Robbie a while back. I didn’t bring it up with the parents because I thought I had handled it by reprimanding him. I also didn’t feel it was necessary to call the parents in and embarrass them with a shameful thing like this. THAT, was my ONLY mistake sir. I might be young, but I’m mature enough to know what I can and cannot share with my students and also what I should or shouldn’t believe from what they tell me. I wish I could say the same for the parents.”

With a shocked look on the principle’s face, he handed the picture over to Robbie’s Mum and told her to have a look. The other Mums huddled around her to see too. Robbie’s Mum turned a shade lighter when she realised that the only way her son could’ve drawn such a picture was if he was exposed to VERY VERY intimate ‘acts’ at home.

I looked over at the principle and said, “Sir, I have a class to get back to. I don’t want to deprive them of their right to education just because some parents have a problem with the fact that I am Muslim.” The principle nod his head apologetically and gestured to excuse me. I stood up and said one last thing before I left, “Being Muslim doesn’t make me less capable of doing my job properly. In fact, being Muslim is the only thing stopping me from repeating some of the stories Robbie and his friends have carried from home and told me. The only regret I have today is that you picked on my religion based on what you THOUGHT you knew about me. If everyone had that mentality, this world would really be a sad… sad place. Goodbye Sir and have a nice afternoon ladies.”

Although I really wanted to cry when I left, I knew that no matter what happens next or who says what, it would be something that The Creator Himself believes I can handle because He tells us in the Qur’an that He will not burden us with more than we can bear. So I stayed strong and went about my day as normal. I even found it in me to treat Robbie WITHOUT any harshness. After all, he is a child, the parents should’ve known better to not believe everything they hear.

I couldn’t wait to get home. No matter how old I get,I always look forward to going home and telling my Mum about my day, be it good or bad. “Good! I’m so proud of you my baby. I’m sure now the principle will also stop seeing you as a child and start seeing you as a professional.”, Mum told me. I smiled, instantly feeling so much better. A mother’s comfort is just something else. May Allah bless and have mercy on all our mothers In-Sha-Allah.

Since we were having this bonding moment where it was just the two of us, I thought this would be the perfect time to tell her about how everything went with Riaz this past weekend. I told her everything while she sat and filled Samoosas for some Ramadhaan orders. She quietly listened and asked a question now and then, which eventually just turned into an argument. Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and I just stormed off to my room. I cried it out, thought it over, then typed out a LONG message to Tasneem, explaining everything.

Me: Nemo… I talked to Mum. First I told her where he lives and Mum said, “Do you really think we would allow you to get married and move so far away? If your father or I died tomorrow, you think you would be able to make it for our janazah?”

Next she said that right now all I should be concentrating on is studying and work and that I shouldn’t even think about marriage, especially to someone I’ve never met before and know barely anything about.

She says she doesn’t trust our judgement…

So I asked her if she would like to speak to him and she said no, she doesn’t want to get involved because she’s not happy about it. She said that Allah knows what’s best for me and Allah will decide when I should get involved with someone, so I mustn’t do anything cause I’m not ready. She says that he seems like a very immature person making judgments so fast and decisions so easily without properly knowing what he’s getting into.

Next she says we don’t know a thing about Mozambique or the lifestyle and we don’t know anyone from there so there’s absolutely no way for us to confirm anything that he says…

Lastly she says she doesn’t want me getting married yet and that it’s not the right time and not the right person. She says whoever Allah decides for me will come at the right time but it isn’t him. I don’t know what to do Tas… I just don’t know…

Tas: Nusaybah I think.. Just listen to your mum. She knows better than us.Your mum saw more years than us… She has way better judgement… And if this was really meant to be, it’ll happen some day.
Me: I seriously thought you were going to take this differently... What will you tell him? Or what should I tell him? This is all my fault I should have just kept quiet about everything … now look what I’ve done!
Tas: I will talk to him, I’ll tell him the truth. I started this, I should finish it.
Tas: No Nusi… I guess it’s actually my fault. I thought I was going about this the right and halal way by making a group and having you’ll ask you’lls parents permission first, but the truth is, I was very wrong.
Me: What do you mean? I don’t get you…
Tas: I didn’t realise it until after I shared the whole story with my mother out of excitement of how well things turned out this weekend and how there were sparks between the two of you. My Mum was very upset with me and asked how I could’ve done such a stupid thing. She said, “You thought you were doing your friend a favor but what you did in reality was tear a daughter away from her mother. You might have had the right intention but you could’ve done what you wanted to do, but in the right way by coming to me first. I would’ve spoken to her mother and her mother could’ve contacted his parents if they were interested. Did you really think her mother would’ve said yes after feeling undermined by a bunch of youngsters demanding to get their way, claiming that they were just wanting to do things the ‘RIGHT WAY’ islamically? Like she doesn’t know what’s right islamically?”
Tas: It only hit me then how wrong I really was. I’m really sorry and I want to extend the apology to bath your parents and his. I don’t want you going behind their backs and talking to him anymore ok…. Let it be now… Its what is best. Don’t blame yourself. If this was truly meant to be, it would’ve been. Just remember… That what is to come is better than what has gone by.

I also hadn’t thought of it that way before. I was so sure I was doing everything the right way when in actual fact it was the total opposite. Suddenly I started feeling very guilty.

Tas: So if this is it… As hard as it will be, let it go… Without your parents blessings, nothing will go right for you and with it, everything will turn out just fine.
Tas: Now Nusi… Promise me… No haraam contact with this guy now? You accept your mums decision? No sneaking off to meet him or chatting after leaving the group? You can keep in touch with Aafiyah though.
Me: No! Astaghfirullah Tas I’m not like that anymore.
Tas: I know silly… I just want you to promise.
Me: I promise. I just wonder how Aafiyah is going to take all this.
Me: So where do we go from here?
Tas: I deleted the group, now I will send you his parting message… And then you can reply when you are free and I will send it to him. Then that’s it… no more chatting, from both your side AND mine! I was so caught up in trying to make you guys keep things halal that I totally did the opposite by chatting to him myself on your behalf.
Me: I love you Nemo
Tas: I love you too… And I’m so sorry my sister.

I sat in my room, with my thoughts. Mum came and knocked on my door a while after she was done filling her samoosas. “Listen Nusaybah…”, she began as she sat down at the foot of my bed, “Ramadhaan is about to enter our lives again and I don’t want us to go into it this way.” I looked at her with a pool forming in my eyes, “I know. I’m sorry Mum. I just want you to know that although I really think that Riaz was the one for me, I respect your judgment and your wish. I will no longer be in contact with him.”, I said. Mum looked confused, “Are you being sarcastic?”. “No no! I’m not… I’m serious. I know I was wrong and Tasneem is as sorry as ever too. I love you Mum and I don’t want to destroy what we have for anyone…” Mum hugged me tight and a part of me hoped that in that moment she would change her mind. But she didn’t…”Good girl.”, she said, kissing me on my forehead beforetelling me to go and get ready for salaah. I picked my phone up to check the time and saw a message from Tasneem. My heart was pounding just as opened the text…

Tas: Here is his last message….
As For My Final Message, Just So That She Knows How Positive I Am That Our Lives Will Be Just As Physically, Mentally, And Spiritually Perfect, If Not Even BETTER In-sha-Allah, Without Each Other For Now, As They Would Have Been WITH Each Other:

“Allah knows best and I trust that whatever is meant for me will get to me when Allah wants it to”

Me: He quoted me exactly *crying a river*… he actually scrolled all the way up to quote me! </3 Now how on earth am I supposed to respond to that? I can’t do this Nemo. I don’t know how to. I know this might sound crazy, but it hurts! It hurts so bad! It literally feels like my heart is ripping itself out of my body!
Tas: I know my sweetheart, but it will get better. It always does…
Me: Ive never been good with farewells or goodbyes so im going to just follow his lead here. For my last message I’d like to quote something I read:

“Everything happens by the will of Allah. Whatever He wills happens, and whatever He does not will does not happen.”

And so Sadeekun… Just as easily as the perfect guy walked into my life, he walked out too. I know that I will never be able to forget him. After all, he was the first and only decent guy I’ve ever come across. I will just have to take everything with a pinch of salt and just move on. It could take forever, but there is nothing I can do now. It’s left in Allah’s hands. I’m trying to look at the positives in my life instead, like I’ve lived to see another Ramadhaan and also I’m soon to be an aunt! Just make dua for me Sadeekun… Make Dua.


Riaz POV

This weekend was something else. I had never experienced anything like it. Nusaybah and I got on so well and we had so much in common. What attracted me from the start was her ability to look past my condition and see me for the person that I truly am. I could hardly wait to tell Mum everything. I just needed to wait for the right time (When Aafiyah was away at school). Mum had some concerns but nothing we couldn’t work out. “At least she didn’t say NO right?”, I thought to myself.

Just before Asr I got a message from Sister Tasneem. I took it as a sign that Nusaybah was now free and that we could discuss our parents concerns further, but I was stopped dead in my tracks.

Sister Tasneem: Assalaamu-Alaikum-Wa-Rahmatulahi-Wa-Barakaatu
Sister Tasneem: I needed to talk to you…
Me: Wa-alaikumus-salaam
Me: Oh Oh
Sister Tasneem: Nusaybah spoke to her Mum…
Sister Tasneem: Thing is.. She wasn’t too happy that Nusaybah was going to be talking to anyone for marriage in the first place… But after some persuasion, she agreed to let her just talk. I don’t think she expected it to turn out that you two would get along so well and have so much in common. Nusaybah took a liking to you and tried everything to convince her mum.. but her Mum is adamant about the whole thing, saying that Nusaybah isn’t ready for marriage yet and she should focus on her studies and her work.

She went on to say that Nusaybah actually thought that I was perfect, but she doesn’t want to disobey her parents. Her Mum also feels that Mozambique is too far out.

Sister Tasneem: So…. What do you think?

I didn’t need much time to reply to this one. I already knew where this was going from the moment she said she needed to talk.

Me: Right, so, first thing I was thinking of as you were typing and sending all of that bit by bit, was a quote you mentioned much earlier on that apparently she had said before any of these conversations in the group even began, which was, and I quote:

“Allah knows best and I trust that whatever is meant for me will get to me when Allah wants it to”
Me: Second thought was that I totally understand and respect her mother’s feelings as they’re just purely natural, and they’re the kind of ones that I feel ANY mother is allowed to have. In fact, my mother’s biggest concern, since yesterday MORNING only was the 2 year contract as well, pointing out that it’ll be VERY difficult for EITHER of us to focus on whatever we’re doing during that time, especially giving an example of my kaki who was a teacher as well in UK, and who had to complete a 5 month teaching/learning commitment of hers before moving to Mozambique to move in with my Kaka, and who labelled those 5 months as ‘hell’.
Me: And that’s just ONE Example, there’s been quite a few really within my cousins and Aunties also where similar situations have happened, where the feeling after marriage/engagement has been so strong, that they just had to cancel their commitments and it’s affected their education, and thus their FUTURE pretty much as well, tremendously. One of the LAST things I’d want to happen, whether it’s ‘because of’ me, or ANYONE else is see Sister Nusaybah struggle like that as well.
Me: And I Mean, What Else Is Left For Me To Say Now? Does All That Suffice?

Truth is… I didn’t know what more to say. I won’t lie, it was upsetting to a point. I wish I knew her mother’s concerns before I allowed myself to start feeling this way, but that’s life and the only person who will be hurting if I don’t move on, is me.

Sister Tasneem: I feel so terrible about the turnout… My Mum is upset with me as well for playing cupid. She says I toyed with youll’s lives. For that I am truly sorry.
Sister Tasneem: But who knows… Maybe in 2 years time the two of you would’ve become something and will be ready to settle… (If you’ll hadn’t already)…. And then… Well… What’s meant to be is what will happen.
Me: Please don’t feel terrible. Like you’ve constantly emphasized time and time again, the intentions from your side behind this whole situation were as pure and Halal as possible Alhamdulillah And I can’t thank you enough for that in itself, let alone all the help after Alhamdulillah.
Sister Tasneem: In that case…. I don’t feel terrible… I’m hopeful and trust in Allah.
Sister Tasneem: I hope that Aafiyah and Nusaybah will remain friends though…
Me: I’m VERY Sure Her Newly-Found Friendship With Yourself And Sister Nusaybah Won’t Be Affected In Any Way As She Mentioned Many A Times To Me During All These Conversation About How She Really Doesn’t Want The Group To End (Ie Ofcourse, The Sisterhood Between You 3), And How Much Her Love Of You And Sister Nusaybah Kept Growing The Longer The Chat Went..
Sister Tasneem: Awwwwwwh….
Me: So That’s Not Too Much Of A Concern Once The Group Dissolves In-sha-Allah
Me: As It Is, She Really Needs Y’all Kind Of Friends And Sisters In Her Life With How Similar Y’alls Mindsets And Struggles Are Masha-Allah
Me: So What Would You Recommend We Do Now?
Sister Tasneem: I think… You’ll can end off on a good note… Say what is in youlls heart and leave it at that.

I thought of having to speak to Nusaybah, knowing it might be the last made me quiver. I wasn’t ready to open myself up to that kind of damage.

Me: My Personal Opinion Would Just Be That The Group Dissolves And Whatever Parting (For Now) Message We Have For Each Other, We Send Through You, That Sound Fine?
Sister Tasneem: Sure.. That would be ok with me…
Me: Especially So That The Sting Of The Parting (For Now) For Both Of Us Doesn’t Feel That Strong, Because Of How We’ll Both Always Keep Wanting To Have The Final Message To Each Other On Such A Group Setup Where The Interaction Is More Direct, Make Sense?
Sister Tasneem: Yep.. Totally understand…
Me: Ok Cool, Is She Fine With That?
Sister Tasneem: I’m sure she will be… I already removed her from the group anyway
Me: Ok Cool Jazakallah
Sister Tasneem: Btw… Just for the record… How did you feel it went with her?
Sister Tasneem: Between you and me I mean…
Me: Well I Personally Felt The Attraction Was Definitely There On My Side And The Similarities of Mindsets Were Amazingly Awesome Masha-Allah
Sister Tasneem: I definitely think that the way you two are deciding on handling this, her mother will really have lots of respect for that and it might even make her change her mind at some point… Never know.
Sister Tasneem: I sure do respect it…
Sister Tasneem: I never thought that going for an online samoosa run could be so emotional… I actually felt like we were all literally sitting around a kitchen table and questioning the two of you.
Me: Lol, Yhea, I Really Don’t Know How Aafiyah Will Take This Hey
Sister Tasneem: Probably like how I feel….
Me: Nonetheless, As For My Final Message, Just So That She Knows How Positive I Am That Our Lives Will Be Just As Physically, Mentally, And Spiritually Perfect, If Not Even BETTER Insha-Allah, Without Each Other For Now, As They Would Have Been WITH Each Other:

“Allah knows best and I trust that whatever is meant for me will get to me when Allah wants it to”

Me: Any Suggestions To Improve/Enhance It?
Sister Tasneem: Nope… I pasted it already.
Sister Tasneem: Its a perfect last message btw… If this were a novel… It’s a beautiful ending /start….
Sister Tasneem: And if I were an English teacher…. I’d say that the final message was cleverly written as the chapter ended the way it started… So… To be continued…
Sister Tasneem: And to think…. Before this weekend we were all strangers.
Sister Tasneem: I’ll paste her message when she replies.
Me: Ok Cool Jazakallah, Lol, Specifically Like How You Made Sure You Never Let That Last Message End With ‘..beautiful ending’ Only Masha-Allah
Me: Anywhos, Jazakallah-Khair For Everything Though Once Again, Please Don’t Be Sad That This Never Worked Out The Way I’m Sure Not Only You, But ALL Of Us Wanted It To, Just Consider This The Beginning Of A New And Better Chapter For All Of Us Insha-Allah :)
From Your Team Member, And Most Importantly, Brother In Islam, Riaz Pandor, Ramadhaan Mubarak in advance and Assalamu-Alaikum-Wa-Rahmatullahi-Wa-Barakaatuhu
Sister Tasneem: Ramadhaan Mubarak to you as well, Wa-Alaikum-Salaam-Wa-Rahmatulahi-Wa-Barakaatu

With that, I decided to let it all just go. Only Allah knew where the next 2 years would take us, but for now I’m just going to take it one day at a time In-Sha-Allah.


>>>Sooooo my lovelies… The episode is finally complete. To all those wondering if Real life Riaz and Real life Nusaybah ever got together… well… Their story didn’t go in that direction, but I pray that Allah bless them both with good pious spouses some day In-Sha-Allah.

The reason for telling you guys that parts of this story was based on a true story was to let youll know that it IS possible to find someone the halal way and find a connection (Of course in this case it wasn’t as halal as they thought it was). Please don’t lose hope of finding the right person to share your life with and don’t turn to haraam ways and methods of sifting him/her out. Your life partner is written for you and you will find them in due time. You just have to decide whether you want to find him/her the halal way or not.

So many lessons can be taken from this story between Riaz, Tasneem, Aafiyah and Nusaybah. I’d like to know what was the biggest lesson you as a reader took from their story… Share with us.

Also, anyone interested in writing for this diary, let me know In-Sha-Allah. I will still be around to help with editing and plot. Just can’t handle two diaries on my own at the moment. So if you willing to share the load…. message me!

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Stay Tuned for more on The Diary Of A Sinner<<<


{A CIIYF Production}

Author’s note: I’d like to know what you guys think about the long episodes. Are they what you’ll enjoy reading? Or does the long texts make you sleepy and bored? Please be honest and open coz changes will be made to better suit your reading experience In-Sha-Allah. Enjoy!image

Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

Even though we got down to the more intense questions today, I actually felt more at ease and was comfortable with being myself. I won’t lie, as embarrassing and crazy as Tasneem can be, I don’t know how I could’ve went through this without her. I had a nap after Fajr and then woke up at about 8am and saw that she and Riaz had left a few notifications in the group after Fajr.

Tasneem: The wedding itself… Do you dream of a big fancy thing… Or ?
Tasneem: I will try and think of more questions but in the meantime, Sis Aafiyah… Hit Nusaybah with questions that you know your bro might be too shy to ask.
Riaz: Lol, I Personally Feel That All Further Questions Be Put On Hold Until Nusaybah Gives Her Opinion On ‘The Big Question’ Though, Whenever She’s Ready And Comfortable In Doing So, Wouldn’t That Be A More Appropriate Way To Approach The Progression Sister Tasneem?
Tasneem: Yep of course… Everyone can answer when ready. I’m just putting it out there coz I don’t know when I’ll be able to check in again. I ask maaf if I have overstepped with anyone of you. I hope this works out In-Sha-Allah if it is what is best.
Riaz: Understandable… Ameen.
Tasneem: Annnd I thought of another question… Since it’s such a big thing in our beautiful religion… Where do you both stand when it comes to Salaah?
Tasneem: Right! That’s all from me for now. Assalaamu Alaikum!
Riaz: Wa Alaikum Salaam.

I figured that Riaz hadn’t answered any of the other questions because he was probably stressing over what my answer would be to the previous question about how we would manage the whole distance thing if we did decide to get married.

Me: Alrighty… so I read and reread Riaz’st last big questions answer about 10 times now. I’m actually quite happy with it, although, I would just prefer a proper nikkah rather than a ‘skype nikkah’. As for Tasneem’s question about the wedding, I’ve always wanted a small wedding nothing big, nothing fancy. I feel it’s completely unislamic and wrong but of course I’m willing to sway a little bit. As for the salaah, I read all my namaaz always Alhumdulilah.
Riaz: Right, so, Namaaz-wise, same situation here as well Alhamdulillah, 5 daily since I was about 13.
Riaz: Wedding, EXACT Same Feelings Here, Smallest, Most Halaal Way Possible, No Need To ‘Sway’ In Any Way There In-sha-Allah

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{A CIIYF Production}

Habibati Sadeekun… (Beloved Friend)

Even after my best attempt at making Riaz turn away from me so that he wouldn’t have to suffer any embarrassment, he still managed touch my heart even further with his utmost respect, kindness and understanding. I kept reading his response to my condition over and over again. At times I thought that it was just my imagination running away with itself.

I feel, as long as she has someone to accept her for that, and respect/appreciate her regardless, that in itself could be the motivation the body may need to help her produce whatever may be required to help with reproduction, and I’m MORE than willing to be that kind of a person, no matter the eventual result, especially with it being the least I can do to help a fellow Muslimah who’s willing to accept ME with the condition I have.

How could I let this opportunity go? I just HAD to try and convince Mum one last time. I just knew that if I didn’t, I would live the rest of my life, wondering what could’ve been and I’d never be able to allow myself to be happy.

While I waited for Mum to get back from running a few errands, Tasneem kept me company. She was overjoyed at the fact that I wasn’t going to give up so easily.

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